The Rival Beauties

"The Rival Beauties" by W. W. Jacobs is a humorous novella that explores themes of love, jealousy, and rivalry through the antics of two charming yet competing women. Set against the backdrop of a quaint seaside village, the story delves into the lives and interactions of its colorful characters, revealing the lengths to which they will go to impress their romantic interests. Jacobs’s witty prose and keen observations of human nature create an entertaining and lighthearted narrative that highlights the complexities of attraction and the folly of rivalry.

• Fiction

								
If you hadn’t asked me,” said the night watchman, “I should never have
told you; but, seeing as you’ve put the question point blank, I will
tell you my experience of it. You’re the first person I’ve ever opened
my lips to upon the subject, for it was so eggstraordinary that all our
chaps swore as they’d keep it to theirselves for fear of being
disbelieved and jeered at.

“It happened in ’84, on board the steamer George Washington, bound
from Liverpool to New York. The first eight days passed without
anything unusual happening, but on the ninth I was standing aft with
the first mate, hauling in the log, when we hears a yell from aloft,
an’ a chap what we called Stuttering Sam come down as if he was
possessed, and rushed up to the mate with his eyes nearly starting out
of his ’ed.

“‘There’s the s-s-s-s-s-s-sis-sis-sip!’ ses he.

“‘The what?’ ses the mate.

“‘The s-s-sea-sea-sssssip!’

“‘Look here, my lad,’ ses the mate, taking out a pocket-hankerchief an’
wiping his face, ‘you just tarn your ’ed away till you get your breath.
It’s like opening a bottle o’ soda water to stand talking to you. Now,
what is it?’

“‘It’s the ssssssis-sea-sea-sea-sarpint!’ ses Sam, with a bust.

“‘Rather a long un by your account of it,’ ses the mate, with a grin.

“‘What’s the matter?’ ses the skipper, who just came up.

“‘This man has seen the sea-sarpint, sir, that’s all,’ ses the mate.

“‘Y-y-yes,’ said Sam, with a sort o’ sob.

“‘Well, there ain’t much doing just now,’ ses the skipper, ‘so you’d
better get a slice o’ bread and feed it.’

“The mate bust out larfing, an’ I could see by the way the skipper
smiled he was rather tickled at it himself.

“The skipper an’ the mate was still larfing very hearty when we heard a
dreadful ’owl from the bridge, an’ one o’ the chaps suddenly leaves the
wheel, jumps on to the deck, and bolts below as though he was mad.
T’other one follows ’m a’most d’reckly, and the second mate caught hold
o’ the wheel as he left it, and called out something we couldn’t catch
to the skipper.

“‘What the d——’s the matter?’ yells the skipper.

“The mate pointed to starboard, but as ’is ’and was shaking so that one
minute it was pointing to the sky an’ the next to the bottom o’ the
sea, it wasn’t much of a guide to us. Even when he got it steady we
couldn’t see anything, till all of a sudden, about two miles off,
something like a telegraph pole stuck up out of the water for a few
seconds, and then ducked down again and made straight for the ship.

“Sam was the fust to speak, and, without wasting time stuttering or
stammering, he said he’d go down and see about that bit o’ bread, an’
he went afore the skipper or the mate could stop ’im.

“In less than ’arf a minute there was only the three officers an’ me on
deck. The second mate was holding the wheel, the skipper was holding
his breath, and the first mate was holding me. It was one o’ the most
exciting times I ever had.

“‘Better fire the gun at it,’ ses the skipper, in a trembling voice,
looking at the little brass cannon we had for signalling.

“‘Better not give him any cause for offence,’ ses the mate, shaking his
head.

“‘I wonder whether it eats men,’ ses the skipper. ‘Perhaps it’ll come
for some of us.’

“‘There ain’t many on deck for it to choose from,’ ses the mate,
looking at ’im significant like.

“‘That’s true,’ ses the skipper, very thoughtful; ‘I’ll go an’ send all
hands on deck. As captain, it’s my duty not to leave the ship till the
last, if I can anyways help it.’

“How he got them on deck has always been a wonder to me, but he did it.
He was a brutal sort o’ a man at the best o’ times, an’ he carried on
so much that I s’pose they thought even the sarpint couldn’t be worse.
Anyway, up they came, an’ we all stood in a crowd watching the sarpint
as it came closer and closer.

“We reckoned it to be about a hundred yards long, an’ it was about the
most awful-looking creetur you could ever imagine. If you took all the
ugliest things in the earth and mixed ’em up—gorillas an’ the
like—you’d only make a hangel compared to what that was. It just hung
off our quarter, keeping up with us, and every now and then it would
open its mouth and let us see about four yards down its throat.

“‘It seems peaceable,’ whispers the fust mate, arter awhile.

“‘P’raps it ain’t hungry,’ ses the skipper. ‘We’d better not let it get
peckish. Try it with a loaf o’ bread.’

“The cook went below and fetched up half-a-dozen, an’ one o’ the chaps,
plucking up courage, slung it over the side, an’ afore you could say
‘Jack Robinson’ the sarpint had woffled it up an’ was looking for more.
It stuck its head up and came close to the side just like the swans in
Victoria Park, an’ it kept that game up until it had ’ad ten loaves an’
a hunk o’ pork.

“‘I’m afraid we’re encouraging it,’ ses the skipper, looking at it as
it swam alongside with an eye as big as a saucer cocked on the ship.

“‘P’raps it’ll go away soon if we don’t take no more notice of it,’ ses
the mate. ‘Just pretend it isn’t here.’

“Well, we did pretend as well as we could; but everybody hugged the
port side o’ the ship, and was ready to bolt down below at the shortest
notice; and at last, when the beast got craning its neck up over the
side as though it was looking for something, we gave it some more grub.
We thought if we didn’t give it he might take it, and take it off the
wrong shelf, so to speak. But, as the mate said, it was encouraging it,
and long arter it was dark we could hear it snorting and splashing
behind us, until at last it ’ad such an effect on us the mate sent one
o’ the chaps down to rouse the skipper.

“‘I don’t think it’ll do no ’arm,’ ses the skipper, peering over the
side, and speaking as though he knew all about sea-sarpints and their
ways.

“‘S’pose it puts its ’ead over the side and takes one o’ the men,’ ses
the mate.

“‘Let me know at once,’ ses the skipper firmly; an’ he went below agin
and left us.

“Well, I was jolly glad when eight bells struck, an’ I went below; an’
if ever I hoped anything I hoped that when I go up that ugly brute
would have gone, but, instead o’ that, when I went on deck it was
playing alongside like a kitten a’most, an’ one o’ the chaps told me as
the skipper had been feeding it agin.

“‘It’s a wonderful animal,’ ses the skipper, ‘an’ there’s none of you
now but has seen the sea-sarpint; but I forbid any man here to say a
word about it when we get ashore.’

“‘Why not, sir?’ ses the second mate.

“‘Becos you wouldn’t be believed,’ said the skipper sternly. ‘You might
all go ashore and kiss the Book an’ make affidavits an’ not a soul ’ud
believe you. The comic papers ’ud make fun of it, and the respectable
papers ’ud say it was seaweed or gulls.’

“Why not take it to New York with us?’ ses the fust mate suddenly.

“‘What?’ ses the skipper.

“‘Feed it every day,’ ses the mate, getting excited, ‘and bait a couple
of shark hooks and keep ’em ready, together with some wire rope. Git
’im to foller us as far as he will, and then hook him. We might git him

								Rate this book:0.0 / 0 votes