Tenacities of life

Life's hardships

• Satire

								
No man is born great, Indeed I shall try to relate .It is no topic for debate that all men shall one day regret. Calm and poised are those lying in greatness, the foolish are violent, yet ignorant. Such is life!

 My mind pondered, the mind constantly wondered, wondered if the world would be the same.
I wondered if life was but a game .If was to blame for their resentment. Memories are stuck at the sub-conscious mind set to remind, remind of my mother and the valid lesson got from her resentment, lessons of how to survive. Still I managed to survive, survive all the resentment and trauma. Was it bound fair? 

By virtue of mind I found, found the desire to abide at every glare, every single ounce of a stare I reminisced of that life, reminisced of those not so long dreams. Dreams that turned forsaken, forsaken to the extent of becoming resounding memories. I sought to be but people said Id never make it .The resentment that pushed me away the desire that pulled me close, that need to become my own boss. The fear of succumbing a loss, still I desired to be, be someone my parents could never be.


I was a 13 year-old girl, and already a survivor of dreadful happenings. I have never known my father. My mother, having given up on me, placed me in the care of social services. She was desperate to be freed of me. The miserable, most bizarre part of this was that she kept my sibling. It was disturbing to know that I had been scrapped from my family. I was now motherless and fatherless. I loved my mother my sister, but my love for them wasnt reason enough for my mother to keep me in the family.

She claimed that I was uncontrollable, and that I was an evil spirit, but I now know she was the one who was malicious. Being a child and her being the adult I was not to be blamed for the dilemma I found myself in, life is just unfair. For all the millions of children that are given up on, I blame their parents for it. Based on appalling experiences, that 13 year old foster child still exists in me, constantly determined to be vested to make her uncertainties my own, thus I believe that the disgraceful actions of parents will always be remembered by their children .But I decline to be a fatality; I am a victor. I am stronger than my worthless parents! I was no savage, but for my dreams I rampaged. Fear of the unknown pulled me away, but the desire to be pushed me closer.


It is not questionable; the emotional and physical scuffles of my life have demonstrated to be difficult to overcome. Those times I spent felt critical to my development, and I soaked up everything I experienced like a sponge.  I have seen my own children sponge both my strengths and weaknesses. Children observe their parents, and imitate what they observe. The impact of my years in social services added to many reproachful manners throughout my life. I often wished I had been given away at birth, so that I wouldnt have had to bear the reminiscences and hallucinations which have haunted me these many years. Pain filled the heart, regret filled every inch of my mind. Asked myself if I would rather have died, but all I ever did was cried. Flashbacks of those memories, the lonely days I spent crouching in the corner at the orphanage, clothes all torn and tattered. Sitting in this basement all alone .Contemplating, hating myself for all the things they never did. All the people that I hated, those that were meant to protect and love me but never did. I try and fall asleep but cant get these voices from my head. So I sing myself to sleep and count the number of cockroaches passing by.

Daily I would wake up to a stack of chores that needed my attention before I could start school, as if that was not enough the caretakers would ridicule me for being given away to social services for allegedly being uncontrollable. They claimed that these chores and ridicules were meant to change me behavior wise and turn me into a controllable girl. Not a day passed without me wishing to find a home, for every family that came seemed to resent me the moment they were told my story but I always hoped for the better.

I used to smuggle a bottle or more of Jack Daniels into the orphanage when I ran shopping errands, I tried to fall asleep but couldnt get these voices from my head. So Id take a shot maybe one maybe two. Jack was not the answer but I was trying to rid what Id been through. They might have wanted to save me, but didnt know what to do
They said I was too far gone and Im afraid thats it was true. But there’s a God much greater than I. little did I know he felt the pain we go through and its funny all the people that will say that they’ve sinned too much that he will turn his head away. AND we think we have it bad so we blame him.



Misfortune always has a lesson that it brings out. Many of these lessons I have learned the hard way, but have figured at the end of a tunnel light awaits. Positive energy that comes to surround those who continually search for what life has to offer is the light that draws us away from darkness. The answer lies within. By yoking this positive energy one can bring about anything. Nothing has ever drawn me back from going for it. Never letting anyone or anything stop me from accomplishing my dreams. . I am an unrelenting vigor. Headstrong I know exactly what I want. , always trusting my instinct.

Hope, that subtle yet magical force that whispered promises of better days and brighter tomorrows. The stimulus igniting my spirits and propelling me forward in the face of uncertainty. Hope remained my unwavering companion in life’s journey from the depths of desolation to the heights of conquest. Its the flicker of light peering through the darkest clouds, reminding me that even in the dreariest moments, there is reason to believe. Hope held an enormous implication in my life as a directorial light through the darkest times and as an inspiration of assurance amid harsh conditions

Eventually my search for lifes meaning brought me through a baptism by fire, cleansing my soul. I am like the transcendent Phoenix that has risen from its own ruins, a resuscitated soul, and a lost girl who progressed into a woman. In lifes journey, I was meant to gleam. When I look back it was never meant to, meant to turn out this way but fate had its own way, its own way of turning my life around. A way to show us a way out, but I never thought we would make it out.

I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it .Today proud of myself I glance at the gains of my hard work, that resentment pushed me towards greatness.an astounding social worker and psychologist fighting to make the lives of those little devils unwanted children, pushed away by their parents just because they are allegedly uncontrollable. Yearning to right the wrongs done to me gave me zeal to make better the lives of those facing resentment and aggression. Despite society ascertaining that a fatherless and motherless child was worthless I forged to prove them wrong, striving with great resilience and transgression, with astounding courage I hoped to better my life.

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