Tatlings Page #2

Herein The Fortunate Readers Will Find the Happy Conjunction of two very brilliant young people, whose literary and artistic talents fit like the proverbial glove, or the musical and lyrical of those immortals, Gilbert and Sullivan. Never were epigrams more worthily illustrated, or more worthy of illustration. The joie de vivre, the humour and the human observation which run through this little volume, will I am sure make a great appeal to the public possessing or admiring those qualities.

• Fiction

								


SOME MEN consider marriage an unnecessary expense, and some men simply won’t consider it at all.

MANY a woman has waited patiently for years until the man could afford to marry her, and then he won’t wait patiently for five minutes while she puts her hat on.

FLIRTATION and office work are the oil and water which the devil sometimes tempts a man to attempt to mix.

PEOPLE who allow their character to be diluted by other people’s opinions are naturally weak.

IT IS ONLY a very great man who, in a higher position, does not look small to the man down below.

IT’S A MISTAKE to take a man into your confidence. If you do you will probably never trust him again and he will certainly never trust you again.

BY ALL MEANS express an opinion but not by post.

IF A WOMAN’S appearance is bad her re-appearance is worse.

IF A WOMAN HAS anything worth telling she tells it; if a woman has anything worth showing she shows it.

IT IS no good laying down the law if you can’t take up an argument.

A WOMAN’S MIRROR reflects her whole world.

IT’S A splendid plan to make a man run after you, but remember that he won’t go on running indefinitely merely out of curiosity or hope. The time will come when he will sit down to rest—with someone else.

A WOMAN who knows just when and how to make a scene is clever, but the woman who knows just when and how not to make a scene is wise.

A WOMAN always puts on silk stockings before she takes the final step.

ALL BEAUTIFUL things are created for and destroyed by women.

IF A HUSBAND leaves his wife alone ten to one someone else won’t.

YOU CAN’T be even acquainted with love without becoming intimate.

THERE never was a woman so fast that man could not keep pace with her.

NO MATTER how orderly she is by nature it is a mistake for a woman to be always putting her husband in his place.

IF A MAN is free to do what he likes he does it; and if he is not free— he does it just the same.

THE potentialities of a strong silent man are nothing to the potentialities of a weak talkative woman.

YOU will probably be very nearly right if you judge men by their hand shakes and women by their kisses.

ALCOHOL is not a good preservative of grey matter.

SOCIETY says, if you have come into money you can come in anywhere.

BECAUSE she is up-to-date you must not count on a woman being up to time.

‘PLATONIC friendship’ is the story a woman puts up to a man before, and to the world afterwards.

MARRIAGE is a woman’s entry into and a man’s exit from life—that is, officially.

IT IS a funny thing that a man always has to tell a woman that he loves her while everyone else knows it without being told.

SO MANY more people are capable of being loved than are capable of loving.

LOVE affairs are all alike, it is only the lovers who are different.

HAVING what you want is not nearly so interesting as getting what you want.

THERE are two sorts of men, those who are constant in love and those who are constantly in love—and perhaps the first don’t exist.

IF YOU don’t want tummy-ache don’t eat unripe fruit; and if you don’t want heartache don’t marry a young man.

THERE is only one temptation in the world that it is worth while resisting and that is—spring onions.

MONEY talks, and the larger the means the clearer the meaning.

MOST WOMEN if they had to choose would ask for a clear complexion in preference to a clear conscience.

[Illustration: seated woman being offered jars with angel hovering above]

ONE may get what one deserves but seldom what one is promised.

THE WOMAN who has never deceived her husband must have an extraordinarily acute husband.

THE only time a thing is really worth doing is for the first time and for the last time.

THE education system must be all wrong. What sort of use is Latin to a young man on his first trip to Paris? You can’t get much for’arder with a living woman by being familiar with a dead tongue.

IF A WOMAN is young and pretty and fascinating, the world of men will forgive her anything—and see to it that there is everything to forgive.

EVERY woman should be an édition de luxe of herself.

THE one woman in the world who could make a man of a fool, a home of a house, and a romance of a marriage probably wears glasses and jaeger and so never gets a chance.

IT IS MORE or less true that an attractive woman has no friends. The men are more and the women less.

WHAT a lovely world it would be if one could recover the money and the love and the time one has misspent.

MEN will pretend to understand things that they don’t and women will pretend not to understand things that they do.

IF MEN could read women’s thoughts publishers would die of starvation.

A MAN keeps a woman’s love by making promises he can’t keep; a woman keeps a man’s love by refusing to make promises she can keep.

THEY say that one way to continue to enjoy dinners for two after marriage is to have breakfast for one.

MANY women who look ripe are rotten at core.

ONE is forgotten even sooner when one is alive than when one is dead.

A MAN does not ask a woman if she loves him until he is almost sure that she does so, and a woman does not ask a man if he loves her until she is almost sure that he does so no longer.

WOMEN are generally supplied with the necessary food of life but they help themselves to salt.

IF ONLY the women we love were as true as the things they teach us about women!

A PRETTY woman alone is invariably considered a mystery; a plain woman alone is a perfectly natural phenomenon.

MANY a woman who looks light would be a terrible burden.

THE people who are quite unforgiving are those to whom there is never anything to forgive.

THE things one does because one wants to do them are generally wrong from somebody’s point of view. It is therefore better to do them out of view of everybody.

IT IS no good having strong desires if you have a weak will.

MANY a man makes a profession of being entertaining in order to be entertained.

ODDLY enough the woman who looks most self-possessed generally belongs to some man.

IF YOU don’t tell a woman she will find out; and if you do tell a woman you’re a fool.

THE man who cannot make a mistake never tried.

A WOMAN likes the things her lover likes, but loathes the things he loves.

A WOMAN may weigh thirteen stone and still love lightly.

EVERYTHING depends upon position—even in the matter of adipose tissue.

IT DOES not matter that a kiss is ill-timed if it is well placed.

FLIRTATION is the froth on top of the wine of love.

MOST women’s ideas are better than their morals.

SOME women’s love stories are not even founded on fact.

I WONDER who suggested an apron string as the one to which a woman ties a man? In reality she would probably use a pink ribbon.

LIFE is a guessing competition and the men who guess right become millionaires or misogynists.

WOMEN are reputed to be able to do or undo anything with a hair pin. Some of them can do quite a lot without one.

THERE is all the difference in the world between being left by oneself and being left by someone else.
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