Tatlings

Herein The Fortunate Readers Will Find the Happy Conjunction of two very brilliant young people, whose literary and artistic talents fit like the proverbial glove, or the musical and lyrical of those immortals, Gilbert and Sullivan. Never were epigrams more worthily illustrated, or more worthy of illustration. The joie de vivre, the humour and the human observation which run through this little volume, will I am sure make a great appeal to the public possessing or admiring those qualities.

• Fiction

								
THE LOOKING-GLASS reveals us as we are to ourselves; the Wine-glass reveals us as we are to others.

IF A MAN puts a woman on a pedestal someone else will help her down.

NO MAN gets what he wants, though some may get what they have wanted.

THE REASON that a love affair so seldom ends happily is that one of the lovers is generally unwilling for it to end at all.

NO ONE agrees with other people’s opinions, they merely agree with their own opinions expressed by somebody else.

IT IS a poor doctor who cannot prescribe an expensive cure for a rich patient.

A WOMAN alone is not necessarily a temptation, if she were a temptation she would probably not be alone.

SOME people succeed in preserving a youthful appearance, but they show their age in their opinions.

IF YOU GIVE a woman an opportunity, she will take everything else that she wants.

YOU ARE much nearer success when you are deplored than when you are ignored.

SO MANY young women have glibly promised their lovers that they would ‘never change’ and have been unrecognisable ten years later.

TO A WOMAN women are a sex and men an individual.

A WOMAN likes to know what the man she loves was like when he was a little boy; but a man would rather know what the woman he loves will be like when she is an old woman.

IT IS PROBABLE that if a woman cannot see the point of her husband’s jokes she will see very little indeed of him.

A WOMAN may have a small mouth and yet be able to open it very wide.

A GIRL WHO spends her youth learning philosophy will almost certainly need it when her youth is spent.

ONE MAN’S love is often only the bait with which another man is caught.

SOME PEOPLE contrive to make their ‘silent suffering’ simply deafening.

ONE CAN forgive a person lying about one and possibly disprove them, but it is unforgiveable if they tell the truth; that is taking a mean advantage.

WOMEN have been the same through all the ages: the only difference between a girl and her mother is their feeling for her father.

IT IS difficult for a man to understand that a woman who would go through hell for love of him is capable of leaving him because he clears his throat or uses a toothpick.

NOTHING unites people like a common sorrow, except, perhaps, a vulgar joke.

IF A PRETTY back view won’t let you catch it up it has probably got a horrible face.

AS SOON as a woman has put a man in her power she puts him out of her heart.

THE ONLY blows Fate seems to deal some people are slaps on the back.

A WOMAN’S clothes should be like an epigram, an adequate expression of an idea without a superfluous—syllable.

SOME MEN borrow a fiver and behave for ever after as if the only thing they owed you was a grudge.

A WOMAN IS not really adequately clothed because she is draped in mystery.

IT IS inexplicable, but undeniable, that a man often prefers the woman he has to make excuses for to the woman he has to make excuses to.

WHAT a woman costs and what she is worth are two entirely different things.

AMBITIONS vary: Men may want to do well, women may want to look well, but the old only want to sleep well.

A WOMAN cares most for a man when their love affair is over, a man cares most for a woman before their love affair has begun.

EVERYONE likes to be run after, but the difference between men and women is that men do not want to be caught and women do.

A WOMAN who can bear to hear her husband praise another woman is either different to other wives or indifferent to her husband.

A MAN’S ‘for ever’ is just about as long as a woman’s ‘five minutes.’

SOME PEOPLE drain the cup of life, and others stick to a medicine glass.

IT TAKES a clever man to write a good love letter, but only a fool would do it.

ODDLY enough the impression made by the possession of several different names is not nearly so favourable as the impression made by the possession of several different addresses.

THE MEANS to an end may put an end to one’s means.

HE WHO CAN does, he who can’t is shocked.

A ROMANCE is wonderful while it lasts, but if it lasts it ceases to be a romance.

TO BE successful in love one must know how to begin and when to stop.

MANY A MAN has ended by running away with a woman because he had not the sense to begin by running away from her.

MANY AN impecunious stylist has found that a girl is more easily won by an ordinary bank-note than an extraordinary love note.

AN INFALLIBLE way of acquiring a host of friends is to be a host yourself.

THERE ARE three stages in a man’s infatuation for a woman: making his way, having his way, and going his way.

IT IS THE MAN who has no right who generally comforts the woman who has wrongs.

WOMEN who are the easiest to win are always the most difficult to lose.

IT IS perfectly saintly to love some women; and that presumably is sacred love. It is perfectly natural to adore others; and that probably is profane love.

MANY A WOMAN’S undoing is due to her maid.

WHEN A MAN is lost to one woman it is generally because he has been found by another.

A MAN MAY BE legally attached to one woman and yet sincerely attached to another.

TO INDULGE in independent ways one really needs to have independent means.

IT IS no use collecting notable acquaintances unless you can be sure that they will recollect you.

BY ALL MEANS tell a woman you love her, but don’t tell her anything else.

THAT A MAN and woman are always together proves nothing—but it is probably true.

IF A WOMAN goes too far with a man, she comes back alone.

A PRETTY woman in a becoming gown is a temptation—men love temptations.

IF YOU CANNOT be funny without being shocking, it is better to be shocking.

OF COURSE it is quite dreadful to lead another into mischief, but it is almost impossible to enjoy oneself alone.

NOTHING is more infuriating than to be accused of doing something which one has taken every precaution to keep secret.

THE WOMEN who have nothing to show are the ones who have nothing to hide.

IF ONE lives long enough one is bound to become respectable and virtuous—hallowed by time.

WOMEN are always asking questions and men are always inventing answers— and women are none the wiser.

GOODNESS is only a relative term, and one that is always on the tongue of relatives.

A WOMAN’S accounts of how she spent ‘the house money’ are only equalled in inventive genius by a man’s accounts of how he spent his time.

THERE ARE two sorts of lovers—those who forget and those who are forgotten.

ONE SOON gets tired of saying a thing over and over again if nobody contradicts, just as one soon gets tired of doing a thing over again if no one says one mayn’t.

LOVE IS NICE when it is new, but it wears badly and is impossible to renovate.

EVEN THE MOST upright man may be tempted by a recumbent woman.

A WOMAN may have no reticence about her ankle or even her knee if it is pretty, but she will never show her hand.

EVERYONE must take chances and if they turn out right they are renamed opportunities.

A MAN will forgive a woman doing everything at his expense except making a joke.

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