Impulsivity

Giving in to humanity’s faults

• Short story
• Horror

								
                                   Kill him, it asked. I didn't have any questions for I desperately wanted someone to say it. I wanted someone to finally ask me to do the very same thing I've been wanting to do for a while, I wanted to kill someone. It didn't have to be him, it didn't have to be anyone in the room or in the building. But someone. The gun and knife in the bare cold hand that has been this way since I woke up has me feeling tingly. Shall I use the gun? Or should I use the up close and personal weapon? Either way I'm fulfilling my fantasies tonight, I'm doing what I was destined for. I may be called psychotic or sick as I go through my little journey, but I would rather be those things than to be ordinary or think ordinary. I was born this way, yet I enjoy it. I guess I could hide it, like all the greats; bundy or gacy. They hid so carefully and so could I. All of these things can't add up to my idea of being sane.My
 level of sanity is  fun. Sanity is retrospective, it's hard for anyone to pretend to be sane. Good thing we don't pretend, we just found a different meaning of sanity and different levels of being insane. Maybe that's why I'm still seeing it, the very thing that told me to kill him, it's an entity, a composite of reality, it doesn't believe in reality or sanity, in fact the very concept of humanity confuses it. He's right there. ¨You have two weapons, don't wait for another chance¨ it said. Well he wasn't wrong. I've been waiting a while to rather pull this trigger or to use this cold hand and thrust it directly into what I realized would do the most damage. His heart. I don't know him but I know where he's at, right in front of me. That makes him much more of a liability than me knowing him. He's not lucky but he isn't unlucky, and pretty soon he won't be anything, depending on which one I would actually use. I've decided. I'll use the knife, well on him. When I wanna cause more chaos i'll use the gun.That will be very shortly. The confidence was already built in me. I knew it, all I needed to do was transfer the iciness in my hands to his back. I press my right index finger on his back that feels surprising like polyester. Oh wait, it's his shirt. Soon my whole palm touches his back almost like I feel remorse, strange, I've never thought about the life of each victim I might take. Whatever, it doesn't matter. As my left hand tightens around the 10 inch knife I feel a sudden rush of pain,like i prick but i felt no blood.again doesn't matter.i have to do it now.go…i can't wait…go…i'm so excited…GO NOW.the knife through his shirt against his skin made me feel exhilarated.i don't remember moving my hand much yet i heard a loud slow groan that set him  moving towards the ground faster and faster,and finally. ..THUD.run,RUN.my legs move before my mind.my head finally catches up and i thought to run to the next one i saw,it may have been a younger person than the man i just stabbed from the back but i was desperate to feel that sensation again.this time i wanted to hit her right where my mind was affected,the head.it wasn't a direct hit but it hit the back of her head enough to do damage.it told me to do it,my excuse would be.but it did.it told me to slide the knife down her head so her brain and scalp would split into two.i thanked it.i knew this kill needed a little twist and it helped me think of that.after the stab of the first man i didn't hear the screams of panic coming from everyone in the room,after the women dropped to the ground they finally put all eyes on me.my second kill,more gruesome than the first yet i feel more accomplished after this one.im not joyful,i'm something much more,i'm experiencing what i've dreamt every night,the everlasting feeling of sanity.i guess everyone finally processed what i've been waiting my whole life to accomplish.well since i've already caused a sense of chaos i guess that very soon time is now.my hands are no longer cold,they are warm with the sensation of not having to pretend anymore.this time my mind is sharp,i quickly grabbed the 22 caliber air pistol from my already open backpack.it was like ants on the ground,i felt a sense of control,i was god and i can choose who lives and who dies,well if it was up to me they all will be dead.the first ant that caught my attention tried to run to the door,i've never actually pulled the trigger on something that could end their life but it came easy to me.i didn't have to aim i knew that if i shot the ant anywhere it would fall and break the chain of ants around them.i thought i would feel backlash after the shot,but it made me comfortable,i had no reaction to the bullet that in my head slow motioned into the ants back and set them falling in front of the very thing that would have saved the ants life,the door.finally,some chaos in the room,the same chaos that has been running through my mind.




The room seemed limited,although it made my job easier,they were doomed.a minimized space between my gun and the next target was all i needed to successfully put a hole in their back.it didn't really satisfy me like the first two kills but i guess it's still murder,i still killed someone.i wanted more,much more,so i pulled the knife from the cold floor and ran to the next ant i tried to stab.more or less stab and conquer.blood ran down my fingers as the now seemed much shorter knife got stuck in its throat,i didn't pay attention to the race,age or gender because now i didnt care.it took much more strength to pull it out now since the ant was grasping on it for dear life.but clearly there life meant nothing because i pulled it out quickly,it's quite sad,is what a  person in their right mind would say.but i'm a different kind of a clear thinker,i'm too sane for reality,for “IT” to understand. 
 

The door was slightly available,not accessible but enough for freedom to take its toll.since the last ant slowly lowered in front of the main escape route,i guess everyone else thought i wanted to control and trap their lives.partially true but i mostly chose at random,murder,no matter the person just murder.i could think like them,they were scared i know,but i didn't want to care,i didn't seem to.i know this building,i've been studying it for days.Tall,a little slim,and low security with a destined and ancient place to keep up with.i think it's a insurance company…but i truly wouldn't know.i glance at the huge sign that i paid no attention to originally,and it read,¨evan yang & co¨.yes it was insurance,with a very high success rate.impressive.wait…that's very cool…wait something's wrong…interesting…POLICE!!! The little voice inside my head rang through my chaotic mind and directed me into the the path of a elderly ant,maybe not elderly but i'm quite young and a bit peckish for life.his phone slowly being beckoned by his hand muscles to his ear,i don't know who he dialed but at this point anyone would try to bring this party down.


As i kill the next few ants with a single gun which seems to be loaded with unlimited resources,i look back at at my life.not in a sad or regretful way,more of a unexpressive and reminiscing type of way.I wanted to know why i turned out so amazing, i grew what some would call suburbia,in a distinguished  house with a very distinguished family.i could have been successful(and boring)but i chose to be awesome and assertive.My low tolerance for humans set me in this direction and i've been steered into the right path.My parents would be sickened about there only child being a serial killer but personally i think im iconic.im brunette,chronically short and slightly muscular at least compared to jake gyllenhaal.my face has been compared to the guy from arnold but i highly detest that.i wouldn't claim to be the poor killer with an abusive family,because i'm not.i just grew up watching criminal minds and any buzzfeed quiz that says what famous killer im compatible with,(always gacy).which i find particularly strange because i lived in chicago at the time.im only 19 which confused me,i am 19 with the mental capacity of 98% of the world.But then that 2% could change humanity.i now know the understanding of reality and its non existence,that's why i said forget life.and also why im killing a building full of people.

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