Impulsivity Page #2

Giving in to humanity’s faults

• Short story
• Horror

								


All those thoughts in a brief moment of recollection is why my mind is never ending,why i'm like this.High pitched sirens add to the loud voices in my head and i panicked for little.Then i realized,i did it.IT did it.IT did all of this and why i counted a bodycount of fourty-six,two by my own hand and the rest by something my hand controlled.I want to kill,for the sake of humanity,i LOVE to kill.the rush,the feeling of accomplishment and break my head gets after screaming for my life.i love it.but IT loved it for the bloodshed,the chaos and the feeling of control IT would get.i know IT is apart of me,but i realize it's a much bigger part then i would imagine.IT is me,my childhood,my experiences are just a series of actions IT did.i lived through IT and now i intend to let it go out with a bang.

I used my thoughts one last time and brought my knife in the head of a middle aged woman.I couldn't care anymore.something came over me,i didnt just not care about everyone elses mind.i also didnt care for mine.i really couldn't.whatever happened to me it didnt matter.i had done what i wanted…meant to do.i was meant to succeed,to conquer what i thought my mind wanted to.perhaps all these bodies resembled my own?I wished i could say this with more time,ask myself this question when i brought my knife to the mans back.Perhaps i could have wanted to save myself.no…im wrong…i never wanted this.i never wanted to viciously take the lives of tens,i only wanted to take the life of me.did the killers i so lavishly admire realize the same?im glad I did,I’m glad I get to take the same hands that ruined the lives of 46 families and ruin one more,I’m glad I have the ability and strength to grab the knife that had three types of blood on it be covered with one more.I wasn’t killing myself,I was killing IT,the entity that consumed my life and the bodies all over the stern floor.everyone wasn’t dead,yet I still heard silence through the screams.The knife felt it had been raised on its on to my neck,through the sirens I still only hear my own heavy breath.has it really only been one minute since I started reminiscing?my mind was truly neverending.maybe if I had gotten help……(wait,no)………if I didn’t take many lives……..(don’t kill me)……if I hadn’t listened to you….then maybe I wouldn’t shed blood for the last time.I felt a small pinch as I made contact with my neck,still the last thing I heard the doors bursting open with help,not for me.to everyone,I’m not regretful because I try not to be,but I’m sorry,for letting my impulsivity give in to humanity.In my last moments maybe I finally was the world’s definition of being sane.
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