A Ladies Man

"A Ladies Man" by Robert Barr is a lighthearted romantic comedy that follows the adventures of a charming and witty protagonist who is a self-proclaimed "ladies' man." The story unfolds as he navigates the complexities of love, friendship, and social expectations in a humorous and engaging manner. With clever dialogue and relatable characters, Barr explores the themes of romance, societal norms, and the often comical challenges of courtship, making it a delightful read for fans of early 20th-century literature.

• Travel

								
“Jest w’en we guess we’ve covered the trail
So’s no one can’t foller, w’y then we fail
W’en we feel safe hid. Nemesis, the cuss,
Waltzes up with nary a warnin’ nor fuss.
Grins quiet like, and says, ‘How d’y do,
So glad we’ve met, I’m a-lookin’ fer you’”

I do not wish to particularise any of the steamers on which the
incidents given in this book occurred, so the boat of which I now write
I shall call The Tub. This does not sound very flattering to the
steamer, but I must say The Tub was a comfortable old boat, as
everybody will testify who has ever taken a voyage in her. I know a
very rich man who can well afford to take the best room in the best
steamer if he wants to, but his preference always is for a slow boat
like The Tub. He says that if you are not in a hurry, a slow boat is
preferable to one of the new fast liners, because you have more
individuality there, you get more attention, the officers are flattered
by your preference for their ship, and you are not merely one of a
great mob of passengers as in a crowded fast liner. The officers on a
popular big and swift boat are prone to be a trifle snobbish. This is
especially the case on the particular liner which for the moment stands
at the top—a steamer that has broken the record, and is considered the
best boat in the Atlantic service for the time being. If you get a word
from the captain of such a boat you may consider yourself a peculiarly
honoured individual, and even the purser is apt to answer you very
shortly, and make you feel you are but a worm of the dust, even though
you have paid a very large price for your state-room. On The Tub
there was nothing of this. The officers were genial good fellows who
admitted their boat was not the fastest on the Atlantic, although at
one time she had been; but if The Tub never broke the record, on the
other hand, she never broke a shaft, and so things were evened up. She
wallowed her way across the Atlantic in a leisurely manner, and there
was no feverish anxiety among the passengers when they reached
Queenstown, to find whether the rival boat had got in ahead of us or
not.

Everybody on board The Tub knew that any vessel which started from
New York the same day would reach Queenstown before us. In fact, a good
smart sailing vessel, with a fair wind, might have made it lively for
us in an ocean race. The Tub was a broad slow boat, whose great
speciality was freight, and her very broadness, which kept her from
being a racer, even if her engines had had the power, made her
particularly comfortable in a storm. She rolled but little; and as the
state-rooms were large and airy, every passenger on board The Tub was
sure of a reasonably pleasant voyage.

It was always amusing to hear the reasons each of the passengers gave
for being on board The Tub. A fast and splendid liner of an
opposition company left New York the next day, and many of our
passengers explained to me they had come to New York with the intention
of going by that boat, but they found all the rooms taken, that is, all
the desirable rooms. Of coarse they might have had a room down on the
third deck; but they were accustomed in travelling to have the best
rooms, and if they couldn’t be had, why it didn’t much matter what was
given them, so that was the reason they took passage on The Tub.
Others were on the boat because they remembered the time when she was
one of the fastest on the ocean, and they didn’t like changing ships.
Others again were particular friends of the captain, and he would have
been annoyed if they had taken any other steamer. Everybody had some
particularly valid reason for choosing The Tub, that is, every reason
except economy, for it was well known that The Tub was one of the
cheapest boats crossing the ocean. For my own part I crossed on her,
because the purser was a particular friend of mine, and knew how to
amalgamate fluids and different solid substances in a manner that
produced a very palatable refreshment. He has himself deserted The
Tub long ago, and is now purser on one of the new boats of the same
line.

When the gong rang for the first meal on hoard The Tub after leaving
New York, we filed down from the smoking-room to the great saloon to
take our places at the table. There were never enough passengers on
board The Tub to cause a great rush for places at the table; but on
this particular occasion, when we reached the foot of the stairway, two
or three of us stood for a moment both appalled and entranced. Sitting
at the captain’s right hand was a somewhat sour and unattractive
elderly woman, who was talking to that smiling and urbane official.
Down the long table from where she sat, in the next fifteen seats were
fifteen young and pretty girls, most of them looking smilingly and
expectantly toward the stairway down which we were descending. The
elderly woman paused for a moment in her conversation with the captain,
glanced along the line of beauty, said sharply, ‘Girls!’ and instantly
every face was turned demurely toward the plate that was in front of
it, and then we, who had hesitated for a moment on the stairway, at
once made a break, not for our seats at the table, but for the purser.

“It’s all right, gentlemen,” said that charming man, before we could
speak; “it’s all right. I’ve arranged your places down the table on the
opposite side. You don’t need to say a word, and those of you who want
to change from the small tables to the large one, will find your names
on the long table as well as at the small tables, where you have
already chosen your places. So, you see, I knew just how you wished
things arranged; but,” he continued, lowering his voice, “boys, there’s
a dragon in charge. I know her. She has crossed with us two or three
times. She wanted me to arrange it so that fifteen ladies should sit
opposite her fifteen girls; but, of course, we couldn’t do that,
because there aren’t fifteen other ladies on board, and there had to be
one or two ladies placed next the girls at the foot of the table, so
that no girl should have a young man sitting beside her. I have done
the best I could, gentlemen, and, if you want the seats rearranged, I
think we can manage it for you. Individual preferences may crop up, you
know.” And the purser smiled gently, for he had crossed the ocean very,
very often.

We all took our places, sternly scrutinised by the lady, whom the
purser had flatteringly termed the “dragon.” She evidently didn’t think
very much of us as a crowd, and I am sure in my own heart I cannot
blame her. We were principally students going over to German colleges
on the cheap, some commercial travellers, and a crowd generally who
could not afford to take a better boat, although we had all just missed
the fast liner that had left a few days before, or had for some reason
not succeeded in securing a berth on the fast boat, which was to leave
the day after.

If any of the fifteen young ladies were aware of our presence, they did
not show it by glancing toward us. They seemed to confine their

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