A Ladies Man Page #2

"A Ladies Man" by Robert Barr is a lighthearted romantic comedy that follows the adventures of a charming and witty protagonist who is a self-proclaimed "ladies' man." The story unfolds as he navigates the complexities of love, friendship, and social expectations in a humorous and engaging manner. With clever dialogue and relatable characters, Barr explores the themes of romance, societal norms, and the often comical challenges of courtship, making it a delightful read for fans of early 20th-century literature.

• Travel

								

conversation to whispers among themselves, and now and then a little
suppressed giggle arose from one part of the line or the other, upon
which the “dragon” looked along the row, and said severely, “Girls!”
whereupon everything was quiet again, although some independent young
lady generally broke the silence by another giggle just at the time the
stillness was becoming most impressive.

After dinner, in the smoking-room, there was a great deal of discussion
about the fifteen pretty girls and about the “dragon.” As the officers
on board The Tub were gentlemen whom an ordinary person might speak
to, a delegation of one was deputed to go to the purser’s room and find
out all that could be learned in relation to the young and lovely
passengers.

The purser said that the dragon’s name was Mrs. Scrivener-Yapling, with
a hyphen. The hyphen was a very important part of the name, and Mrs.
Scrivener-Yapling always insisted upon it. Any one who ignored that
hyphen speedily fell from the good graces of Mrs. Scrivener-Yapling. I
regret to say, however, in spite of the hyphen, the lady was very
generally known as the “dragon” during that voyage. The purser told us
further, that Mrs. Scrivener-Yapling was in the habit of coming over
once a year with a party of girls whom she trotted around Europe. The
idea was that they learnt a great deal of geography, a good deal of
French and German, and received in a general way a polish which Europe
is supposed to give.

The circular which Mrs. Scrivener-Yapling issued was shown to me once
by one of the girls, and it represented that all travelling was
first-class, that nothing but the very best accommodations on steamers
and in hotels were provided, and on account of Mrs. S. Y.’s intimate
knowledge of Europe, and the different languages spoken there, she
managed the excursion in a way which any one else would find impossible
to emulate, and the advantages accruing from such a trip could not be
obtained in any other manner without a very much larger expenditure of
money. The girls had the advantage of motherly care during all the time
they were abroad, and as the party was strictly limited in number, and
the greatest care taken to select members only from the very best
families in America, Mrs. Scrivener-Yapling was certain that all her
patrons would realise that this was an opportunity of a lifetime, etc.,
etc.

Even if The Tub were not the finest boat on the Atlantic, she
certainly belonged to one of the best lines, and as the circular
mentioned the line and not the particular vessel on which the excursion
was to go, the whole thing had a very high-class appearance.

The first morning out, shortly after, breakfast, the “dragon” and her
girls appeared on deck. The girls walked two and two together, and kept
their eyes pretty much on the planks beneath them. The fifteenth girl
walked with the “dragon,” and thus the eight pairs paced slowly up and
down the deck under the “dragon’s” eye. When this morning promenade was
over the young ladies were marshalled into the ladies’ saloon, where no
masculine foot was allowed to tread. Shortly before lunch an
indignation meeting was held in the smoking-room. Stewart Montague, a
commercial traveller from Milwaukee, said that he had crossed the ocean
many times, but had never seen such a state of things before. This
young ladies’ seminary business (he alluded to the two and two walk
along the deck) ought not to be permitted on any well regulated ship.
Here were a number of young ladies, ranging in age from eighteen
upwards, and there lay ahead of us a long and possibly dreary voyage,
yet the “dragon” evidently expected that not one of the young ladies
was to be allowed to speak to one of the young gentlemen on board, much
less walk the deck with him. Now, for his part, said Stewart Montague,
he was going to take off his hat the next morning to the young lady who
sat opposite him at the dinner-table and boldly ask her to walk the
deck with him. If the “dragon” interfered, he proposed that we all
mutiny, seize the vessel, put the captain in irons, imprison the
“dragon” in the hold, and then take to pirating on the high seas. One
of the others pointed out to him an objection to this plan, claiming
that The Tub could not overtake anything but a sailing-vessel, while
even that was doubtful. Montague explained that the mutiny was only to
be resorted to as a last desperate chance. He believed the officers of
the boat would give us every assistance possible, and so it was only in
case of everything else failing that we should seize the ship.

In a moment of temporary aberration I suggested that the “dragon” might
not be, after all, such an objectionable person as she appeared, and
that perhaps she could be won over by kindness. Instantly a motion was
put, and carried unanimously, appointing me a committee to try the
effect of kindness on the “dragon.” It was further resolved that the
meeting should be adjourned, and I should report progress at the next
conclave.

I respectfully declined this mission. I said it was none of my affair.
I didn’t wish to talk to any of the fifteen girls, or even walk the
deck with them. I was perfectly satisfied as I was. I saw no reason why
I should sacrifice myself for the good of others. I suggested that the
name of Stewart Montague be substituted for mine, and that he should
face the “dragon” and report progress.

Mr. Montague said it had been my suggestion, not his, that the “dragon”
might be overcome by kindness. He did not believe she could, but he was
quite willing to suspend hostilities until my plan had been tried and
the result reported to the meeting. It was only when they brought in a
motion to expel me from the smoking-room that I succumbed to the
pressure. The voyage was just beginning, and what is a voyage to a
smoker who dare not set foot in the smoking-room?

I do not care to dwell on the painful interview I had with the
“dragon.” I put my foot in it at the very first by pretending that I
thought she came from New York, whereas she had really come from
Boston. To take a New York person for a Bostonian is flattery, but to
reverse the order of things, especially with a woman of the uncertain
temper of Mrs. Scrivener-Yapling, was really a deadly insult, and I
fear this helped to shipwreck my mission, although I presume it would
have been shipwrecked in any case. Mrs. Scrivener-Yapling gave me to
understand that if there was one thing more than another she excelled
in it was the reading of character. She knew at a glance whether a man
could be trusted or not; most men were not, I gathered from her
conversation. It seems she had taken a great many voyages across the
Atlantic, and never in the whole course of her experience had she seen
such an objectionable body of young men as on this present occasion.
She accused me of being a married man, and I surmised that there were
other iniquities of which she strongly suspected me.

The mission was not a success, and I reported at the adjourned meeting
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