Silence

• Short story

								
The audience roars as I come from backstage, light beams point toward me and hover above the crowd as music starts blasting through the speakers. Slowly, I make my way toward the microphone and pick up my guitar.
Finally, I'm here again. Music takes over me and I'm in another world, a world where I can express myself, a world filled with endless positivity and excitement, A world that I can make my own. As soon as I hear music I feel all my worries and stress drop away, I can let go of everything and just be myself. I'm filled with enthusiasm and feel a reason for me to be here, like there's more to life.

Then the show ends, and I'm back to the miserable world we live in. You wouldn't think being a famous singer is so bad. Most people dream of having the success i have, i dreamed of it too before i got here. Most days just drag on now, and I constantly have the whole world on my back, rating my outfits, judging every mistake that I make and continuously nagging about where I'm going to go or what I'm going to do next. It makes me feel horrible. I feel like an object, getting told what to do and what I can't do, Getting told what to wear or even how I'm supposed to have my hair. 

Music is my only escape from this. I don't know what I'd do if it wasn't for the pair of headphones I carry around in my pocket or my guitar. Music helps me. It puts purpose into my life, making every day bearable. It's my escape from everything, and it's also what I do for a living. Without music I'm nothing.

Here i am again, waiting for the signal to step on stage. My heart is thumping with adrenaline and again, the crowd bursts into cheering when I make my appearance into the lively stadium. The show has begun and I am more than happy to let myself get taken away into my own carefree world. 
That's when I hear it, a faint ringing in the back of my head that is slowly getting louder as the show goes on. I feel myself drifting in and out of this magical world in my head throughout the performance and I feel dizzy, but I brush it off and tell myself that it is nothing. Nothing will stop this performance from taking place tonight.

Now it's a week from my last concert and I'm sat in the waiting room at the hospital. I came to see what was wrong with me, the ringing noise in the back of my head. I've had multiple test done and now I'm waiting for the results, surely it will be fine right? My knees are shaking as I anxiously wait alongside other patients waiting to be seen. But I'll be okay, I keep telling myself.

Finally, I hear my name called. What feels like hours of waiting is finally over and I make my over to the doctor who takes me to a room. I sit on the chair in the corner and I can't help but notice how dull the scenery is, the paint is peeling off the ugly blue walls and the only decoration is a dead plant in the corner.
After another good few minutes, the doctor eventually announces that he has my test results. I feel relieved in a way, thinking that I was just going to find out nothing was wrong and I could go home. Everything was going to be alright.

That's when it hit me.  That's when I got the results. My whole world just collapsed around me, everything I've made of my self was just gone within a split second. 
In a few weeks I will never be able to gear again. That's what the doctor said. He carried on talking after that, I'm trying so hard to listen to him but everything's a blur now. I'm just sat here trying to process everything, so overwhelmed and absolutely distraught. Tears start rolling down my face, like raindrops falling from the sky. Who am I now? I'm nothing without music. I have nothing without music. 
I deny it, exclaiming that there must be another way. There has to be. Everything good inside me has gone, the person I once was now feels dead. The only sound I will ever hear again is… Silence.
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