Odd Man Out Page #3

"Odd Man Out" by W. W. Jacobs is a collection of humorous short stories that capture the quirks and eccentricities of everyday life. Set in early 20th-century England, Jacobs' witty narrative style brings to life a cast of vivid characters, often highlighting their humorous misadventures and misunderstandings. The stories blend comedy with keen social observations, making them both entertaining and reflective of human nature. Jacobs' masterful storytelling invites readers to appreciate the absurdities of life through a lighthearted lens.

• Humour
• Short story

								


“We're all right,” ses Charlie; “you look arter your own young man. We
can look arter ourselves.”

“Speak for yourself,” ses Mrs. Jennings, very sharp.

Charlie laughed, and the more Mrs. Jennings showed 'er dislike for 'is
nonsense the more he gave way to it. Even Ted thought it was going too
far, and tried to interfere when he put his arm round Mrs. Jennings's
waist and made 'er dance to a piano-organ; but there was no stopping
'im, and at last Mrs. Jennings said she had 'ad enough of it, and told
Emma she was going off 'ome.

'He Put his Arm Round Mrs. Jennings's Waist and Made 'er Dance to a
Piano-organ.'

“Don't take no notice of 'im,” ses Emma.

“I must,” ses Mrs. Jennings, who was arf crying with rage.

“Well, if you go 'ome, I shall go,” ses Emma. “I don't want 'is company.
I believe he's doing it on purpose.

“Behave yourself, Charlie,” ses Ted.

“All right, old man,” ses Charlie. “You look arter your young woman and
I'll look arter mine.”

“Your wot?” ses Mrs. Jennings, very loud.

“My young woman,” ses Charlie.

“Look 'ere,” ses Emma. “You may as well know first as last—Sophy 'as got
a young man.”

“O' course she 'as,” ses Charlie. “Twenty-seven on the second of next
January, he is; same as me.”

“She's going to be married,” ses Emma, very solemn.

“Yes, to me,” ses Charlie, pretending to be surprised. “Didn't you know
that?”

He looked so pleased with 'imself at his cleverness that Emma arf put up
her 'and, and then she thought better of it and turned away.

“He's just doing it to get rid of you,” she ses to Mrs. Jennings, “and
if you give way you're a bigger silly than I took you for. Let 'im go on
and 'ave his own way, and tell your intended about 'im when you see 'im.
Arter all, you started it.”

“I was only 'aving a bit o' fun,” ses Mrs. Jennings.

“Well, so is he,” ses Emma.

“Not me!” ses Charlie, turning his eyes up. “I'm in dead earnest; and so
is she. It's only shyness on 'er part; it'll soon wear off.”

He took 'old of Mrs. Jennings's arm agin and began to tell 'er 'ow
lonely 'is life was afore she came acrost his path like an angel that
had lost its way. And he went on like that till she told Emma that she'd
either 'ave to go off 'ome or scream. Ted interfered agin then, and,
arter listening to wot he 'ad got to say, Charlie said as 'ow he'd try
and keep his love under control a bit more.

“She won't stand much more of it,” he ses to Ted, arter they 'ad
got 'ome that night. “I shouldn't be surprised if she don't turn up
to-morrow.”

Ted shook his 'ead. “She'll turn up to oblige Emma,” he ses; “but
there's no need for you to overdo it, Charlie. If her young man 'appened
to get to 'ear of it it might cause trouble.”

“I ain't afraid of 'im,” ses Charlie, “not if your description of 'im is
right.”

“Emma knows 'im,” ses Ted, “and I know she don't think much of 'im. She
says he ain't as big as I am.”

Charlie smiled to himself and laid awake for a little while thinking
of pet names to surprise Mrs. Jennings with. He called 'er a fresh one
every night for a week, and every night he took 'er a little bunch o'
flowers with 'is love. When she flung 'em on the pavement he pretended
to think she 'ad dropped 'em; but, do wot he would, 'e couldn't frighten
'er into staying away, and 'is share of music-'alls and bus rides and
things like that was more than 'e cared to think of. All the time Ted
was as happy as a sand-boy, and one evening when Emma asked 'im to go
'ome to supper 'e was so pleased 'e could 'ardly speak.

“Father thought he'd like to see you,” ses Emma. “I shall be proud to
shake 'im by the 'and,” ses Ted, going red with joy.

“And you're to come, too, Sophy,” ses Emma, turning to Mrs. Jennings.

Charlie coughed, feeling a bit orkard-like, and Emma stood there as if
waiting for 'im to go.

“Well, so long,” ses Charlie at last. “Take care o' my little prize
packet.”

“You can come, too, if you like,” ses Emma. “Father said I was to bring
you. Don't 'ave none of your nonsense there, that's all.”

Charlie thanked 'er, and they was all walking along, him and Mrs.
Jennings behind, when Emma looked over 'er shoulder.

“Sophy's young man is coming,” she ses.

“Ho!” ses Charlie. He walked along doing a bit o' thinking, and by and
by 'e gives a little laugh, and he ses, “I—I don't think p'r'aps I'll
come arter all.”

“Afraid?” ses Emma, with a nasty laugh.

“No,” ses Charlie.

“Well, it looks like it,” ses Emma.

“He's brave enough where wimmen are concerned,” ses Mrs. Jennings.

“I was thinking of you,” ses Charlie.

“You needn't trouble about me,” ses Mrs. Jennings. “I can look after
myself, thank you.”

Charlie looked round, but there was no help for it. He got as far away
from Mrs. Jennings as possible, and when they got to Emma's house he
went in last.

Emma's father and mother was there and two or three of 'er brothers and
sisters, but the fust thing that Charlie noticed was a great lump of a
man standing by the mantelpiece staring at 'im.

“Come in, and make yourselves at 'ome,” ses Mr. White. “I'm glad to see
you both. Emma 'as told me all about you.”

Charlie's 'art went down into 'is boots, but every-body was so busy
drawing their chairs up to the table that they didn't notice 'ow pale
he 'ad gone. He sat between Mr. White and Mrs. Jennings, and by and by,
when everybody was talking, he turned to 'im in a whisper, and asked 'im
who the big chap was.

“Mrs. Jennings's brother,” ses Mr. White; “brewer's drayman he is.”

Charlie said, “Oh!” and went on eating, a bit relieved in 'is mind.

“Your friend and my gal 'll make a nice couple,” ses Mr. White, looking
at Ted and Emma, sitting 'and in 'and.

“She couldn't 'ave a better husband,” ses Charlie, whispering again;
“but where is Mrs. Jennings's young man? I 'eard he was to be here.”

Mr. White put down 'is knife and fork. “Eh?” he ses, staring at 'im.

“Mrs. Jennings's intended?” ses Charlie.

“Who are you getting at?” ses Mr. White, winking at 'im.

“But she 'as got one, ain't she?” ses Charlie. “That'll do,” ses Mr.
White, with another wink. “Try it on somebody else.”

“Wot are you two talking about?” ses Emma, who 'ad been watching 'em.

“He's trying to pull my leg,” ses 'er father, smiling all over his face.
“Been asking me where Mrs. Jennings's young man is. P'r'aps you oughtn't
to 'ave told us yet, Emma.”

“It's all right,” ses Emma. “He's got a very jealous disposition, poor
fellow; and me and Sophy have been telling 'im about a young man just
to tease 'im. We've been describing him to 'imself all along, and he
thought it was somebody else.”

She caught Charlie's eye, and all in a flash he saw 'ow he 'ad been
done. Some of 'em began to laugh, and Mrs. Jennings put her 'and on his
and gave it a squeeze. He sat there struck all of a heap, wondering wot
he was going to do, and just at that moment there was a knock at the

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