Odd Man Out Page #2

"Odd Man Out" by W. W. Jacobs is a collection of humorous short stories that capture the quirks and eccentricities of everyday life. Set in early 20th-century England, Jacobs' witty narrative style brings to life a cast of vivid characters, often highlighting their humorous misadventures and misunderstandings. The stories blend comedy with keen social observations, making them both entertaining and reflective of human nature. Jacobs' masterful storytelling invites readers to appreciate the absurdities of life through a lighthearted lens.

• Humour
• Short story

								

moment she set eyes on 'im, and two or three times, they'd 'ave lost Ted
and Emma if it hadn't been for 'im.

'When They Turned up They Found Emma and 'er Friend Waiting for Them.'

They did lose 'em the next night, and Charlie Brice 'ad Mrs. Jennings
all alone to himself for over a couple of hours walking up and down the
Commercial Road talking about the weather; Charles saying 'ow wet and
cold it was, and thinking p'r'aps they 'ad better go off 'ome afore she
got a chill.

He complained to Ted about it when 'e got 'ome, and Ted promised as
it shouldn't 'appen agin. He said that 'im and Emma 'ad been so busy
talking about getting married that he 'ad forgotten to keep an eye on
him.

“Married!” ses Charlie, very upset. “Married! And wot's to become o'
me?”

“Come and lodge with us,” ses Ted.

They shook hands on it, but Ted said they 'ad both better keep it to
themselves a bit and wait until Emma 'ad got more used to Charlie afore
they told her. Ted let 'er get used to 'im for three days more afore he
broke the news to 'er, and the way she went on was alarming. She went
on for over ten minutes without taking breath, and she was just going to
start again when Mrs. Jennings stopped her.

“He's all right,” she ses. “You leave 'im alone.”

“I'm not touching 'im,” ses Emma, very scornful.

“You leave 'im alone,” ses Mrs. Jennings, taking hold of Charlie's arm.
“I don't say things about your young man.”

Charlie Brice started as if he 'ad been shot, and twice he opened 'is
mouth to speak and show Mrs. Jennings 'er mistake; but, wot with trying
to find 'is voice in the fust place, and then finding words to use
it with in the second, he didn't say anything. He just walked along
gasping, with 'is mouth open like a fish.

“Don't take no notice of 'er, Charlie,” ses Mrs. Jennings.

“I—I don't mind wot she ses,” ses pore Charlie; “but you're making a
great——”

“She's quick-tempered, is Emma,” ses Mrs. Jennings. “But, there, so am
I. Wot you might call a generous temper, but quick.”

Charlie went cold all over.

“Treat me well and I treat other people well,” ses Mrs. Jennings. “I
can't say fairer than that, can I?”

Charlie said “Nobody could,” and then 'e walked along with her hanging
on to 'is arm, arf wondering whether it would be wrong to shove 'er
under a bus that was passing, and arf wondering whether 'e could do it
if it wasn't.

“As for Emma saying she won't 'ave you for a lodger,” ses Mrs. Jennings,
“let 'er wait till she's asked. She'll wait a long time if I 'ave my
say.”

Charlie didn't answer her. He walked along with 'is mouth shut, his idea
being that the least said the soonest mended. Even Emma asked 'im
at last whether he 'ad lost 'is tongue, and said it was curious 'ow
different love took different people.

He talked fast enough going 'ome with Ted though, and pretty near lost
'is temper with 'im when Ted asked 'im why he didn't tell Mrs. Jennings
straight that she 'ad made a mistake.

“She knows well enough,” he says, grinding 'is teeth; “she was just
trying it on. That's 'ow it is widders get married agin. You'll 'ave
to choose between going out with me or Emma, Ted. I can't face Mrs.
Jennings again. I didn't think anybody could 'ave parted us like that.”

Ted said it was all nonsense, but it was no good, and the next night he
went off alone and came back very cross, saying that Mrs. Jennings 'ad
been with 'em all the time, and when 'e spoke to Emma about it she said
it was just tit for tat, and reminded 'im 'ow she had 'ad to put up
with Charlie. For four nights running 'e went out for walks, with Emma
holding one of 'is arms and Mrs. Jennings the other.

“It's miserable for you all alone 'ere by yourself; Charlie,” he ses.
“Why not come? She can't marry you against your will. Besides, I miss
you.”

Charlie shook 'ands with 'im, but 'e said 'e wouldn't walk out with Mrs.
Jennings for a fortune. And all that Ted could say made no difference.
He stayed indoors of an evening reading the paper, or going for little
walks by 'imself, until at last Ted came 'ome one evening, smiling
all over his face, and told 'im they had both been making fools of
themselves for nothing.

“Mrs. Jennings is going to be married,” he ses, clapping Charlie on the
back.

“Wot?” ses Charlie.

Ted nodded. “Her and Emma 'ad words to-night,” he ses, laughing, “and
it all come out. She's been keeping company for some time. He's away at
present, and they're going to be married as soon as 'e comes back.”

“Well,” ses Charlie, “why did she——”

“To oblige Emma,” ses Ted, “to frighten you into staying at 'ome. I'd
'ad my suspicions for some time, from one or two things I picked up.”

“Ho!” ses Charlie. “Well, it'll be my turn to laugh to-morrow night.
We'll see whether she can shake me off agin.”

Ted looked at 'im a bit worried. “It's a bit orkard,” he ses, speaking
very slow. “You see, they made it up arterwards, and then they both made
me promise not to tell you, and if you come, they'll know I 'ave.”

Charlie did a bit o' thinking. “Not if I pretend to make love to Mrs.
Jennings?” he ses, at last, winking at 'im. “And it'll serve her right
for being deceitful. We'll see 'ow she likes it. Wot sort o' chap is the
young man—big?”

“Can't be,” ses Ted; “cos Emma called 'im a little shrimp.”

“I'll come,” ses Charlie; “and it'll be your own fault if they find out
you told me about it.”

They fell asleep talking of it, and the next evening Charlie put on a
new neck-tie he 'ad bought, and arter letting Ted have arf an hour's
start went out and met 'em accidental. The fust Mrs. Jennings knew of
'is being there was by finding an arm put round 'er waist.

“Good-evening, Sophy,” he ses.

“'Ow—'ow dare you?” ses Mrs. Jennings, giving a scream and pushing him
away.

Charlie looked surprised.

“Why, ain't you pleased to see me?” he ses. “I've 'ad the raging
toothache for over a week; I've got it now a bit, but I couldn't stay
away from you any longer.”

“You behave yourself,” ses Mrs. Jennings.

“Ted didn't say anything about your toothache,” ses Emma.

“I wouldn't let 'im, for fear of alarming Sophy,” ses Charlie.

Mrs. Jennings gave a sort of laugh and a sniff mixed.

“Ain't you pleased to see me agin?” ses Charlie.

“I don't want to see you,” ses Mrs. Jennings. “Wot d'ye think I want to
see you for?”

“Change your mind pretty quick, don't you?” ses Charlie. “It's blow 'ot
and blow cold with you seemingly. Why, I've been counting the minutes
till I should see you agin.”

Mrs. Jennings told 'im not to make a fool of 'imself, and Charlie saw
'er look at Emma in a puzzled sort of way, as if she didn't know wot to
make of it. She kept drawing away from 'im and he kept drawing close to
'er; other people on the pavement dodging and trying to get out of their
way, and asking them which side they was going and to stick to it.

“Why don't you behave yourself?” ses Emma, at last.

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