My First Love

• Poetry

								
Yes…He was my first love
I will never forget
But he was also my first heartbreak 
The first time we talked
It felt like nothing special
Just a normal talk with a person I barely knew
Started with us just texting
To FaceTimes at night 
From that point on I knew I was in trouble
I felt my heart yearn for him day after day
I couldn’t tell if it was just a phase or if it was me falling for him
We had so much in common
He treated better than anyone else ever had
He saved me from a dark place that I needed to get out of
But what for ??
Did he have these same emotions I was feeling ??
Did he also get this warm feeling inside when he talked to me ??
I don’t know
It was too soon
I could tell
Cause when I confessed my love for him
He said he loved me too
But only as I friend
As a friend ??
There had to be a mistake 
What about all the nicknames ??
And saying you would never leave me ??
What about the times I cried and thought I had no one but you was by my side ??
Or the times when you called me beautiful even though I felt there was nothing beautiful about me ??
Did that mean nothing to you ??
Was it all a joke ??
How could you do this ??
I thought I could trust you
Is there something wrong with me ??
What can I do to make you love me ??
Maybe if I did this to my hair you’ll finally choose me
No
Maybe if I wore makeup you’ll finally choose me
No
Maybe if I exposed my body more you’ll finally choose
No
Maybe if I forced myself to like the same things as you you’ll finally choose me
No
But every tactic I chose had failed me over and over and over again
And every time I failed I cried
I cried because I felt as if I wasn’t perfect enough
I cried because I felt as if I wasn’t pretty enough
I cried because I felt as if I wasn’t smart
I cried because I felt as if I just wasn’t enough…for him
My heart was then broken
No matter how many bandaids I would put over it
Pieces would fall out of place
One piece after another
Soon…there was nothing left but a empty hole where my heart use to be
What can I do now ??
Do I just move on ??
But I can’t 
He’s the only person I’ve over loved
He’s the only person I can connect with 
He was just the only person for everything I felt inside
Soon he blocked me
Stopped talking to me
And forgot about me
How could he move on so fast ??
Did he feel no connection at all between us ??
And is it bad for me to still have this yearning feeling for him ??
Yes…I have to move on
It’s the only way
But it hurts…it hurts so bad
How can I give up ??
It’s been 3 years
He’s doing better than me
He won’t talk to me or even follow me back on social media
I soon realized maybe it was foolish of me to love someone that never loved me back
Was this a lesson I needed to learn ??
Yeah…maybe
Till this day even though we never have that love for each that I use to wish we would
Maybe it’s for the best
The sad part is…even after the heartbreak 
The trauma
The depression he had given me
Deep down inside, I somehow forgave him and wish only the best for him
And I hope and I know that he’ll find someone who will love him just as much as I did
For he was my first love
But also my first heartbreak
								Rate this book:0.0 / 0 votes