My Elanor

I wrote this story based off of a quote by Vincent Van Gogh, it was one that caught my eye, "The more you love, the more you suffer"

• Romance

								
“The more you love, the more you suffer”-Vincent Van Gogh
	The quote was confusing as I read it for the first time when I was 16, love was beautiful, love was full of happiness and joy, why would love make you suffer?
	I never understood, not until I lost her. 
	Hi, I’m sure this is the first and last time we’ll meet. My name is Eliana Grace and I think life is unfair. I think that love is cursed, I think I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and most of all, I loved Elanor more than the sun longs for the moon, more than the stars long for the sand, and the sea longs for the sky, but just like the sun and moon, Elanor and I were millions of miles apart. 
	Elanor and I were classmates, we met in primary school and clicked instantly. I knew I loved her from the day I held her hand on the playground all those years ago. She was my muse, my purpose,  I would do anything she asked of me if I was able. All I wanted was for her to be happy, and for her to be mine, and she was for a time. Not in the way I’d wished, but I knew deep down I could never have her in that way. 
	By our high school years, Elanor was in every poem I wrote, in every painting I made, every sketch I drew, she was my everything, and I was hers. I hoped each and every day that that would stay the same but after graduation, Elanor began fading. 
	She was by my side the entire time. Her cold hands over mine, her faint smiles that never quite met her eyes, the lingering thought in the back of our minds that she was only 19, that she had so much more to do, so much more to love, so much more time.
	Elanor had gotten sick in our junior year of high school, doctors called it a virus, said it’d go away with time. By our senior year, I was helping Elanor walk to class because her legs failed if she breathed too harshly. By graduation, Elanor was placed in the hospital. I, of course, begged to stay with her on the day of our graduation, it didn’t feel right walking across that stage without her by my side. 
	Even in her final months, Elanor was beautiful, she was frail and she was sickly but her eyes still had that shine to them, the shine that faded in the final days. I always loved her eyes, I miss them dearly, I only wish I could stare into them one last time. 
	I remember the day I lost her, the day I understood, the day I realized how much I really loved her. It was warm, summertime, she was 22, I was 21, she’d been so awake that day, so talkative, so happy. I loved seeing her happy. She smiled at me, “I love you, Ana.” she’d said. 
	“I love you too, El, always,” I told her, it was true, I’ll always love her. 
	She was so energetic, so alive. “When I get out of here, we should go somewhere” Elanor smiled. 
	“Anywhere you want, I’ll drive.” I said, she looked so content, “Where do you have in mind?” 
	“Somewhere warm, It’s so cold today” She laughed, but I was sweating, the radio said to watch out for high heat, I held her hand but it was cold to the touch. 
	“Can she have another blanket?” I asked the nurse in the hallway. I’d left the room, everything was so much, just yesterday she’d been so tired, today she was making plans for after, meaning everything was going to be okay, she was going to get better. 
	And that's when it happened, my world came crashing down when I heard a doctor yell out Elanor’s room number, he called a color but I can’t remember it anymore, blue? Purple? Red? All I remember is rushing to her side, I dropped the blanket to the floor, she was pale, her eyes were rolling into the back of her head and she wouldn’t stop shaking. The shaking god, the shaking was the worst part, I just sat there, helpless as my love, my muse, my purpose, was stripped away from me. 
	They pronounced Elanor dead at 4:15 pm on June 18th, 1974, I remember the time because I engraved those final moments in my mind, watching the clock anxiously as I prayed to every god I could think of that she would get better, that she would stop shaking, that she would look at me with those beautiful eyes one more time and tell me everything was going to be okay. 
	Everything wasn’t okay, what is the moon without the sun? What is the sea without the sky? What is an artist without their muse?
	My name is Eliana Grace and the day I lost my Elanor was the day the world became dark, colorless. Elanor was, is, my everything, and without her, even now, I am nothing. "The more you love, the more you suffer"
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