I'm a mud in my world...sinking deep.

Hey. I'm a Black girl, and I'm tired. Tired of always feeling like I'm not enough. My skin, my hair, my body...,they don't fit the picture everyone else has in their heads. I'm always trying to be perfect, to be what my family wants me to be. But it's exhausting. I'm hiding behind a big fake smile, pretending everything is okay. I just want someone to see me for who I really am, flaws and all. U?

• Short story
• Poetry

								
This are 4 of my poems. You can read more on wattpad at 'Tundun_books'.
Thank you.

*I'm a girl*

I'm a girl,
But not just an ordinary girl.
I'm a girl who can fly high up and the sky with no limits.
A girl that flaps her wings for take off when they start to spit on me.
A girl with black and white feathers,
The black evokes feelings of fear, sadness, and shockingly loneliness,
The white evokes feelings of hope, joy, and purpose,
But just like any other girl,
The white feathers sprout at later days.

...

I'm a girl,
But not just an ordinary girl.
I'm a black bird.





I'm a girl,
but not just an ordinary girl.
Im a one too many girl.
A girl who can't see her purpose.
A girl who can't seem to shine among the stars.
I mean, if someone or something is better than me in something,
What makes me something?
What makes me unique?
What makes me a girl when I have way too many better versions of me?
In that case,
I'm probably NO. 2... many times below E.V.E.R.Y girl.

...

I'm a girl,
but not just an ordinary girl.
I'm a black bird with clipped wings.

Birds can't see their wings,
but why does mine feel pinched??
I feel caged in,
Even though I can't fly.

....

So I scream.

I'm a girl,
but not just an ordinary girl.
I'm a girl in body and job.
I'm a girl, so I have to bear children for my other related copies,
Just because....
I'm a girl, so I have to isolate myself in a fine,
sparkling house,
You'd never guess my cawing prints on the walls I wipped with my own blood cloth.
The squeaky clean floor I mopped last night with my own tears.
Forced like a prisoner slave in my own house.
Just because....
I'm a girl, so I mustn't have a drop of imperfection on my dress.
My hair has to be just right.
Full glam makeup.
Revealing but not too revealing,
cause then you want attention.
Fine but not too fine to out-do other girls' assignments, 
but somehow, you still have to remain number one.
Be nice to everyone,
but only to their face... of course,
behind them, you should pour all the fresh juicy garbage you kept in your basement right on their reputation.
Just because....
I'm a girl, so I do not cry.
That mentality was planted the moment I cried out my mom's belly.
Her face drenched in despise...or was it disgust?
I don't remember.
But from that moment on,
I've always craved to go back there...
In bed all day with no nagging...
Stomp my foot with no grounding...
And live my life without battling... myself E.V.E.R.Y second.

...

I do cry sometimes,
Just on the bathroom floor though,
Because the water that goes there,
Stays there.

...

I'm a girl,
But not just an ordinary girl. 
I'm a black bird with clipped wings, voice silenced by societal chains.

 *Breaths*


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