English as She is Taught Page #7

As the greatest compliment that could be paid a writer would be the assumption that the material contained in this little volume was the product of that writer's ingenuity or imagination, it seems needless for the compiler to state that every line is just what it purports to be, - bona fide answers to questions asked in the public schools. Mark Twain, with his inimitable drollery, comments in the "Century Magazine" for April, 1887, upon "English As She is Taught." Even this master of English humor acknowledges his inability to comprehend how such

• Humour

								


  New York is bounded by Montreal.

  The capital of New York is New Hamshire. Its principle cities are
      Portland an Susquehana.

  Philadelphia is the capitol of New York and it is in the south West
      Part.

  Washenton is in the Northron part of New York.

  New York was once called the Emperor state because it once had a
      Emperor.

  Aduculung and Mineing is the chief industry of New York State.

  The Rocky Mountains are on the western side of Philadelphia.

  The Rocking Mountain is east of Mass. Algany east of Rocky Sirranevada
      east of Algany.

  The Alaginnies are mountains in Philadelfia.

  The Arondack Mountains are north of Canada.

  The White Mountains are in England.

  The Yosemity Valley is the highest mountain in the world.

  The Mississippi River runs soulth and empies into Mexico.

  Mason and Dixon’s line is the Equater.

  Cape Hatteras is a vast body of water surrounded by land and flowing
      into the Gulf of Mexico.

  Canada is south of New York.

  The City of Canada is Columbia in the westarn part of Columbia.

  Two cities in Canada are andruscogin and kenibek.

  Stock rason is the occupation of canada.

  The rapids of St. Lorence is caused by the canoes of the Indianes.

  British America is overturned by queen Victorier.

  Alasca is governed by the Britished America.

  The productions of Central America is fish.

  Vancoover is the North West United States.

  Cuba and Newfoundland is Southeast of America.

  The climate of Mexico is very barren being hot or cold.

  California is the capitol of San Francisco.

  The occupation of Greenland is speering the seel.

  The oppacation of the Greenland whisky lemon bannanars.

  The occupation of the people of Greenland seals and the people of
      California gathrin gold.

  The people of Greenland people do seal fishing and whailing of Alaska
      people are gathring furs of the Indies people fishing and
      shouting.

                             (European.)

  Charlemagne and Pepin were countries of Austria.

  In Austria the principal occupation is gathring Austrich feathers.

  France is parallel to America on a line running east and west.

  The Bay of Biscuit is on the coast of France.

  The principal industries of Germany are manufacturing, agriculture,
      and the cultivation of the intellect.

  Germany has very little clubbable land.

  Russia in the time of Peter the Great was a very cold country and its
      inhabitants lived in Siberia.

  Russia is very cold and tyrannical. Boany Airs is in Russia.

  St. Petersburg is in the Gulf of Finland.

  The Baltic Sea is between Sweden and Norway.

  Portugal is separated from Spain by the Mediteranian Sea.

  Sicily is one of the Sanwich Islands.

  Constantinople is called the queen of the Adriattic.

  The Persian Gulf is the eastern part of Persia.

  The Great Desert of Sarah was formerly discovered in Africa.

  The two most famous volcanoes of Europe are Sodom and Gomorrah.

  Terra del Fuego means Land of the Furies.

  The Straits of Magellan separates North and South America.

  Hindoostan flows through the Ganges and empties into the Mediterranean
      Sea.

  No northwest passage has ever been discovered around the Cape of Good
      Hope.

  One of the chief exports of England is live meat which grows in great
      quantities.

  Ireland is called the Emigrant Isle because it is so beautiful and
      green.

  Gibraltar is an island built on a rock. It has 15,000 inhabitants.

  The Straight of Mabel Manden seperates the Rock of Gibralter from the
      ocean.

  The width of the different zones Europe lies in depend upon the
      surrounding country.

  The north tempered zone is the best one.

  The frigide zone is the most hottest.

  Latitude is a thing by which we can tell where a country is on the
      globe, like Africa.

  Latitude are supposed lines which pass horizontally around the globe
      and longitude are supposed lines which pass perpendicularly in the
      same way from one circle to another.

  The imports of a country are the things that are paid for. The exports
      are the things that are not.

  Pine apples grow on pine trees.

  Climate lasts all the time and weather only a few days.

                                   V.
                               Original.

                              A Letter.

I was in Cony island. I was in the musium. I saw a bear. I saw a gypsy. I saw a niger man.

We go fishing every mourning. We get a big basket full and do other lots of refreshing things.

I expect to go to the country this summer with my mothers and farthers.

I have had a lovely time the last three weaks. I chop wood and bild fires and go errents and have got two fire crackers saved up for the forth of July.

I write a few lines to letter you know I am a getin on. I went to a excurseon yesterday and I went in barefoot and gethered shels.

                            A Bird Story.

The little spring has built her nest in the oke tree. Every mourning the mother bird gets up early to find food for her nesterling sense the April came. One day it rained and the little burds sat and looked at the rain as it flowed beneath their feet.

                           About the Birds.

The little birds are in there houses and rain began to power and when the rain began to stop the little flyed out and the little birds sat up a tree of a bransh and then they churp and some birds come to have a nice time when the grass is green as green pante.

                               On Man.

Man is an animal that stands up. He is not very big and he has to work for a living.

                             On Fashion.

Sensible people wear sensible fashions and insensible people insensible fashions.

                          A Rainy Afternoon.

It rained hard so I could not go owdoors, so I went out in the shed and sod some wood.

                             On the Cow.

The cow she eats the grass. Wen she eats enought she will lie down in the shade. She is generally chewing. This chewing is called cud. The sheep has no upper Teeth. It there for belongs to the Cow’s Family. The cry of a cow is called Low. Her youn of a Cow is called a calf. The Cow gives us milk. Butter and cheese are made out of bread. The flesh of the Cow is called beef and the Calf veil. We make from their skin shoes. The name of the Cow is called Soldt lether. The name of the calf is called calf-skin.

                             On Laughter.

Laughter is something I know everybody can do. Some people laugh until the tears come from their eyes and then they have a crying spell and then when that is over they have a laughing spell. When people cry it will make them look very peculiar so most of people very seldom cry. It is the laughing they generally do.

                            On Occupation.

I think if I should become a shoe manufacturer I should succeed as it is a very profitable occupation and shoes are necessary to all classes and consequently a large trade is a general thing.
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