Dirty Lace

• Fiction

								
I clicked my tongue, letting out a forced sigh. The daunting church loomed smaller in the distance. It drew the hearts and eyes of many with its sleek white bricks and vintage engravings. I was never really fond of it so I stayed away as much as I could. Why were they so adamant I get married here? I’m sure the one above wouldn’t mind blessing a marriage on an open ground in coastal Italy.
 
Reaching into the itchy bustier of my flimsy wedding gown, I pulled out my emergency cigarette. I retrieved the tucked away lighter and thanked myself for coming prepared. The creased cigarette found its home between my lips and I brought the lighter to its tip. With a few huffs and a deep inhale, I threw my head back, the smoke’s sensual dance dissipating into the cool air.
 
This couldn’t be my life, and I knew that. I knew it when I met Felix, when he asked me out to dinner, when he subtly nudged at our potential future, and when he got on one knee and asked me to be his wife. You never used ‘commitment’ and my name in the same line, so why was he convinced he could change it?
 
I looked down at my dress, white as stupid innocence.
‘Like an angel’, Felix’s mom had said as I had forced on a tight-lipped smile.
With a few taps, I watched the ashes fall to the ground. Turning around, I quickened my pace and walked away. Away from that god-awful church and the people in it.
 
The slim white heels clicked roughly against the stony path, villainously tripping me every time it could. The smoke kept me calm while my mind raced. The long road could lead to peace or something worse, but anything seemed better than my destined future.
 
I glanced over the vast sea that roared in the distance, beyond the paved cliff. The dipping sun made the water sparkle, like edged crystals brought to the light. In the vast sea of nothingness, I got a taste of the ease I longed for. It drowned my doubts and worries, my feelings and emotions proving powerless. I inhaled deeply, hollowing my cheeks and feeling my chest fill up before breathing out. I flicked the cigarette to the ground, my heel grinding against its end. I studied my surroundings and pressed on, the road stretching endlessly.
 
Amidst the emptiness, something, no, someone, caught my attention. I squinted at the small figure at the edge of the cliff. My feet guided me before my thoughts could, as I walked towards the seated figure. Maybe my steps weren’t as soft as I thought, as she turned around and looked up. Messy locks of hazel and golden rustled in the wind. Her eyes lazily eyed me up and down making me scrunch my brows in displeasure.
I looked down at my shabby wedding gown, wrinkled and starving for a steaming. The big ball gown had drawn many glances with its overflowing sequins and lace. Taking it off left me in a contrastingly plain dress that came to just above my knees. I felt weirdly naked without the poofy skirt, as I slid out of it and set it on the floor, using it as a makeshift cushion.
The girl whistled and let out an amused laugh.
“That must’ve cost a pretty penny, no?”
I leaned forward for her half-empty bottle of Heineken. My shoulders slumped, the exhaustion weighing down on me.
“I wouldn’t know.”
 
Taking a swig, I scrunched my face as the disgusting drink slid down my throat with a soft burn.
“F*ck, at least buy something drink-worthy y’know?” I cleared my throat and she laughed.
“Sorry, I didn’t know I’d have a guest.” We fell into a silence as her gaze remained on me.
I leaned back, resting on my palms as they pressed into the itchy skirt, a few beads poking back in retaliation.
“I’m guessing you’ve a wedding to attend.” She looked back, her lips quirked into a crooked smile.
“I’m running away.” I muttered, looking up at the now cloudless sky, the orange gradually bleeding into the blue above me.
She gave a soft hum. “To where?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Do you have a place in mind?”
“Wouldn’t be here if I knew, would I?” I let out a tired sigh through pursed lips.
 
The neck of the beer bottle hung between her fingers, her arm resting on her raised knee. Her clothes were worn out, the brick red shirt torn at its hem. The soles of her shoes were beginning to come off, ten shades darker than what they originally would have been.
I clasped my hands, my fingers running over the cold gold and diamonds. Still there, none missing. None skilfully taken.
“I live nearby with my parents, I just come here for a drink.” She chimed in.
I hummed in response, sinking back in relief, my hands resting back on the ground.
She looked back at me, her eyes boring into mine.
“Plus you seem like in dire need yourself, I wouldn’t steal from someone so desperate.”
She gave a playful wink, making me click my tongue.
“I’m well off you know.” I snapped.
“With what? Wealth or love?” She let her eyes run over my face and I grew conscious of her attention.
Wealth or love? Wealth was love, I thought to myself.
“Are you serious?” My eyes widened and she nodded. “You people believe money can’t buy happiness. But it can. You just don’t have enough of it.”
She made a soft noise of acknowledgement. “So happiness is expensive?”
I shrugged. “Nothing good comes cheap in this world.” I lay down, the skirt barely cushioning my head.
“So why aren’t you happy?”
I shot her an offended look. “What do you know about me?”
“Nothing, which is why I can see right through you.” A playful smile tugged at her lips.
I rolled my eyes and looked up ahead. The sky seemed so close yet impossibly far.
"Have people told you that you're annoying, like intolerably annoying?"
She chuckled and glanced back at me, the same mischievous glint in those eyes. "Not really, but maybe it explains why I’m here alone."
Her expression faltered ever so slightly as she twisted her lips, looking ahead at the waters.
"I think you should go back." Her fingers tightened around the glass bottle, as she swirled whatever drink remained in it. She threw her head back and shot it down in one swift motion.
She giggled; her eyes sparkling. "You're right, this is bad." Her eyes were screwed shut as she hissed through the aftertaste.
“I can’t go back.” I pressed my lips together, my eyes locked with the setting sun and its pliable surroundings. I felt her lazy gaze on me, studying my every move.
“You know Felix loves you.”
I huffed at the sound of the familiar name, a name I no longer wanted to call to mind. I sat up in reluctance.
“You don’t know that.”
“I mean, from everything you’ve told me-”
“Wait,” I cut her off sharply. I swallowed hard and held my stance, “I never told you his name.”
Her forehead lines deepened; her eyebrows knit even closer. “Course y’did, how else would I know?” She smiled at me the same hypnotic smile.
“Did I?” I’m sure I didn’t.
“Unless you’re talking to yourself and I’m not here.” She laughed, leaning back on her hands.
I crossed my legs with my hands in my lap. My gaze dropped to the ring that now felt suffocating to look at. A stinging reminder of broken promises and betrayal.

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