Cheap House

• Satire
• Science fiction
• Humour

								
Cheap House

“Let’s just bend the corners of the roof a little more,” Mauve suggested as they were stealing another house. “Otherwise, we’ll never get it out of the city.”
“We don’t have time! Let’s go!” Manuel urged.
“Yeah, right … just like last time, when the roof got caught on one of the high-rises!” Mauve replied angrily. “It was a house exactly like this one, with a weird roof. We finally ended up dropping it. Don’t tell me you don’t remember!”  
Maggie, inside the house, woke up. There was a weird noise up on the roof. 
“Wake up, Marvin,” she whispered. “There is someone on the roof.” 
Marvin just rolled over onto his stomach mumbling into his pillow, “It’s probably just rats … roof-rats, you know.”
“That’s not rats,” Maggie said as she hurried to the window, catching Maggie lifting up a corner of the house.
“What exactly you think you’re doing?” Maggie hollered as she opened the window.
“We’re stealing your house,” Mauve grinned. “Hurry up! Let’s go, Manuel!”
Manuel quickly climbed down from the roof and lifted up the other corner opposite from Mauve and they started to run down the street. 
“They’re stealing our house, Marvin!” Maggie shouted. “Do something!”
“Ah, let them,” Marvin mumbled sleepily. “Did you make some coffee?”
“How can you think about coffee at a time like this?”
“Alright, fine!” Marvin replied in a perturbed voice, lazily rolling out of bed. Slowly he dragged himself to the other side of the house and opened the window. Manuel had to readjust his hands; the house was getting heavy.
 “So, why are you stealing our house?” Marvin asked.
“Why not? It’s a good house,” Manuel replied, breathing heavily. 
“I’ll say. But what are you planning to do with it?”
“Stop for a minute, Mauve!” Manuel shouted. “Let’s take a quick rest!” Then, after they had come to a halt and put down the house, Manual sat on the side of the road and lit a cigarette. “Well to be honest,” he said addressing Marvin, “our plan was to take it across the border, place it somewhere nice and start charging you rent.” 
“Oh, really? That was your plan?” Marvin marveled. “So, you’re going to be our landlord, right?”
“I guess so.”
“Well, if you are our landlord, I would like to report a leaking roof,” Marvin said. “You might also want to know about clogged up pipes and holes in the wall downstairs.” 
“Really? I had no idea.” Manuel replied, his eyes widening.
“We won’t pay rent until you fix it.”
Mauve had sauntered around the corner. “What is going on?” she asked.
“You wouldn’t believe it,” Manuel said. “This house is a piece of crap. It needs all kinds of repair.”
“No way!” Mauve protested. “We don’t have any money for repair!” 
“Right you are,” Manuel agreed. “Let’s get the hell out of here!”
Maggie who had just joined Marvin at the window and listened to the couple’s last words was aghast. “You can’t leave us here!” she yelled angrily. “Take us back to where you found us, right this minute!”
But the thieving pair was already disappearing across a grassy hillside. Marvin looked around the area where they had been dropped. It was a beautiful site, featuring a green meadow and a few oak trees, perfect for providing excellent shade for outdoor barbecues. 
“You know,” Marvin said, “that’s actually not a bad place. Maybe we should stay here.”
“Fine,” Maggie replied curtly and hurried back to the kitchen to make coffee. 
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