An International Row Page #2

"An International Row" by Robert Barr is a comedic novel that revolves around the humorous misunderstandings and cultural clashes that arise during an international conference. The story follows a group of delegates from various countries who find themselves entangled in a series of misadventures, fueled by their differing perspectives and quirky personalities. With Barr's trademark wit and satirical style, the narrative explores themes of diplomacy, communication, and the absurdities of global politics, all while delivering a lighthearted commentary on the complexities of international relations.

• Travel

								

“Those who are not with us,” said the young women, “are against us.”
The ship was almost immediately divided into two camps. It was
determined to form a committee of Americans to take the money received
from the second concert; for it was soon resolved to hold two concerts,
one for the American Seamen’s Orphans’ Home and the other for that at
Liverpool.

One comical thing about the row was, that nobody on board knew whether
an American Seamen’s Orphans’ Home existed or not. When this problem
was placed before the committee of young people, they pooh-poohed the
matter. They said it didn’t make any difference at all; if there was no
Seamen’s Hospital in America, it was quite time there should be one;
and so they proposed that the money should be given to the future
hospital, if it did not already exist.

When everything was prepared for the second concert there came a bolt
from the blue. It was rumoured round the ship that the captain had
refused his permission for the second concert to be held. The American
men, who had up to date looked with a certain amused indifference on
the efforts of the ladies, now rallied and held a meeting in the
smoking-room. Every one felt that a crisis had come, and that the time
to let loose the dogs of war—sea-dogs in this instance—had arrived. A
committee was appointed to wait upon the captain next day. The
following morning the excitement was at its highest pitch. It was not
safe for an American to be seen conversing with an Englishman, or vice
versâ.

Rumour had it at first—in fact all sorts of wild rumours were flying
around the whole forenoon—that the captain refused to see the
delegation of gentlemen who had requested audience with him. This
rumour, however, turned out to be incorrect. He received the delegation
in his room with one or two of the officers standing beside him. The
spokesman said—

“Captain, we are informed that you have concluded not to grant
permission to the Americans to hold a concert in aid of the American
Seamen’s Orphans’ Home. We wish to know if this is true?”

“You have been correctly informed,” replied the captain.

“We are sorry to hear that,” answered the spokesman. “Perhaps you will
not object to tell us on what grounds you have refused your
permission?”

“Gentlemen,” said the captain, “I have received you in my room because
you requested an interview. I may say, however, that I am not in the
habit of giving reasons for anything I do, to the passengers who honour
this ship with their company.”

“Then,” said the spokesman, endeavouring to keep calm, but succeeding
only indifferently, “it is but right that we should tell you that we
regard such a proceeding on your part as a high handed outrage; that we
will appeal against your decision to the owners of this steamship, and
that, unless an apology is tendered, we will never cross on this line
again, and we will advise all our compatriots never to patronise a line
where such injustice is allowed.”

“Might I ask you,” said the captain very suavely, “of what injustice
you complain?”

“It seems to us,” said the spokesman, “that it is a very unjust thing
to allow one class of passengers to hold a concert, and to refuse
permission to another class to do the same thing.”

“If that is all you complain of,” said the captain, “I quite agree with
you. I think that would be an exceedingly unjust proceeding.”

“Is not that what you are about to do?”

“Not that I am aware of.”

“You have prohibited the American concert?”

“Certainly. But I have prohibited the English concert as well.”

The American delegates looked rather blankly at each other, and then
the spokesman smiled. “Oh, well,” he said, “if you have prohibited both
of them, I don’t see that we have anything to grumble at.”

“Neither do I,” said the captain.

The delegation then withdrew; and the passengers had the unusual
pleasure of making one ocean voyage without having to attend the
generally inevitable amateur concert.
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