A New Use for Horses

"A New Use for Horses" by Charles Battell Loomis is a whimsical and satirical exploration of the relationship between humans and horses. Set in the early 20th century, the book presents a humorous take on the changing role of horses in society as they transition from essential work animals to leisurely companions. Through charming anecdotes and clever observations, Loomis examines the absurdities of modern life, highlighting the unique bond between people and horses while also critiquing contemporary societal norms. The book's playful tone and engaging narrative make it an entertaining read for animal lovers and those interested in the evolution of human-animal relationships.

• Short story

								
I met Scott Bindley the other day. Scott is a great schemer. I think
he must be related on his mother’s side to Colonel Sellers. At any
rate, there isn’t a day in the year that he doesn’t think of some
idea that should interest capital, although capital, somehow, fails
to become interested. As soon as he saw me he said:

“Got a great scheme. Small fortune in it for the right parties.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“Come into some cheap lunch-place, and I’ll blow myself off to a meal
and give you the particulars.”

So it came to pass that we were soon seated in a restaurant which,
if cheap, is clean--a combination rarer than need be.

“You’ve probably noticed that the more automobiles there are in use,
the more breakdowns there are.”

I could but admit that it was so.

“Well, what is more useless than a broken-down motor-wagon?”

I would have suggested “Two,” but Bindley hates warmed-up jokes, so I
refrained and told him that I gave it up.

“It isn’t a conundrum,” said he, irritably. “Nothing in the world
is more useless than a broken-down motor. There are some vehicles
of a box-like pattern that can be used as hen-houses when they have
outlived their initial usefulness, but who wants a hen-house on Fifth
Avenue, corner of Twenty-fifth Street, or any other place where a
motor vehicle gives out? The more I thought this over, the more I
felt that something was needed to make a disabled automobile of some
use, and I saw that the man who would supply that something could
make money hand over fist. So I devoted a great deal of time to the
subject, and at last I hit it. Horses.”

“Horses what?” said I.

“Why, horses to supply the motive power. Horses are getting to be
a drug in the market, and can be bought dirt-cheap. That being the
case, I am going to interest capitalists in the scheme, and then we
will buy up a lot of horses and distribute them at different points
in the city. Then, when a man is out in his automobile and breaks
down, he will telephone to the nearest station and get a horse. This
can easily be hitched to the motor by a contrivance that I intend
to patent, and then the horse can drag the wagon to the nearest
power-house, where it can be restocked with electricity, or gas,
or naphtha, or whatever is wanted. Isn’t it a great scheme? Why,
sir, I can see in the future the plan enlarged so that people will
always take a horse along with them when they go a-motoring, and, if
anything happens, there they are with the good old horse handy. Talk
about the horseless age! Why, horses are just entering upon a new
sphere of usefulness.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but he went on: “I tell you that if I can
get the holders of automobile stock to coöperate with me I’ll stop
eating at places like this.”

A look of such sweet content overspread his features that I told him
to put me down for ten shares as soon as his company was organized.
That was a month ago, and I haven’t gotten my stock yet. But motors
are becoming stalled every day.
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