Tobermory Page #2

"Tobermory," a short story by Hector Hugh Munro (pen name Saki), is a satirical tale that explores themes of communication and the nature of society. Set in a rural English household, the story revolves around an educated cat named Tobermory who unexpectedly gains the ability to speak. His newfound voice exposes the hidden truths and hypocrisies of the people around him, leading to chaos and revealing the absurdity of human pretenses. The narrative blends humor with social commentary, showcasing Saki's sharp wit and keen observations on human behavior.

• Short story

								

the only person she could think of who might be idiotic enough to buy
their old car.  You know, the one they call 'The Envy of Sisyphus,'
because it goes quite nicely up-hill if you push it."

Lady Blemley's protestations would have had greater effect if she had
not casually suggested to Mavis only that morning that the car in
question would be just the thing for her down at her Devonshire home.

Major Barfield plunged in heavily to effect a diversion.

"How about your carryings-on with the tortoiseshell puss up at the
stables, eh?"

The moment he had said it every one realized the blunder.

"One does not usually discuss these matters in public," said Tobermory
frigidly.  "From a slight observation of your ways since you've been in
this house I should imagine you'd find it inconvenient if I were to
shift the conversation on to your own little affairs."

The panic which ensued was not confined to the Major.

"Would you like to go and see if cook has got your dinner ready?"
suggested Lady Blemley hurriedly, affecting to ignore the fact that it
wanted at least two hours to Tobermory's dinner-time.

"Thanks," said Tobermory, "not quite so soon after my tea.  I don't
want to die of indigestion."

"Cats have nine lives, you know," said Sir Wilfrid heartily.

"Possibly," answered Tobermory; "but only one liver."

"Adelaide!" said Mrs. Cornett, "do you mean to encourage that cat to go
out and gossip about us in the servants' hall?"

The panic had indeed become general.  A narrow ornamental balustrade
ran in front of most of the bedroom windows at the Towers, and it was
recalled with dismay that this had formed a favourite promenade for
Tobermory at all hours, whence he could watch the pigeons--and heaven
knew what else besides.  If he intended to become reminiscent in his
present outspoken strain the effect would be something more than
disconcerting.  Mrs. Cornett, who spent much time at her toilet table,
and whose complexion was reputed to be of a nomadic though punctual
disposition, looked as ill at ease as the Major.  Miss Scrawen, who
wrote fiercely sensuous poetry and led a blameless life, merely
displayed irritation; if you are methodical and virtuous in private you
don't necessarily want every one to know it.  Bertie van Tahn, who was
so depraved at seventeen that he had long ago given up trying to be any
worse, turned a dull shade of gardenia white, but he did not commit the
error of dashing out of the room like Odo Finsberry, a young gentleman
who was understood to be reading for the Church and who was possibly
disturbed at the thought of scandals he might hear concerning other
people.  Clovis had the presence of mind to maintain a composed
exterior; privately he was calculating how long it would take to
procure a box of fancy mice through the agency of the EXCHANGE AND MART
as a species of hush-money.

Even in a delicate situation like the present, Agnes Resker could not
endure to remain too long in the background.

"Why did I ever come down here?" she asked dramatically.

Tobermory immediately accepted the opening.

"Judging by what you said to Mrs. Cornett on the croquet-lawn
yesterday, you were out for food.  You described the Blemleys as the
dullest people to stay with that you knew, but said they were clever
enough to employ a first-rate cook; otherwise they'd find it difficult
to get anyone to come down a second time."

"There's not a word of truth in it!  I appeal to Mrs. Cornett--"
exclaimed the discomfited Agnes.

"Mrs. Cornett repeated your remark afterwards to Bertie van Tahn,"
continued Tobermory, "and said, 'That woman is a regular Hunger
Marcher; she'd go anywhere for four square meals a day,' and Bertie van
Tahn said--"

At this point the chronicle mercifully ceased.  Tobermory had caught a
glimpse of the big yellow Tom from the Rectory working his way through
the shrubbery towards the stable wing.  In a flash he had vanished
through the open French window.

With the disappearance of his too brilliant pupil Cornelius Appin found
himself beset by a hurricane of bitter upbraiding, anxious inquiry, and
frightened entreaty.  The responsibility for the situation lay with
him, and he must prevent matters from becoming worse.  Could Tobermory
impart his dangerous gift to other cats? was the first question he had
to answer.  It was possible, he replied, that he might have initiated
his intimate friend the stable puss into his new accomplishment, but it
was unlikely that his teaching could have taken a wider range as yet.

"Then," said Mrs. Cornett, "Tobermory may be a valuable cat and a great
pet; but I'm sure you'll agree, Adelaide, that both he and the stable
cat must be done away with without delay."

"You don't suppose I've enjoyed the last quarter of an hour, do you?"
said Lady Blemley bitterly.  "My husband and I are very fond of
Tobermory--at least, we were before this horrible accomplishment was
infused into him; but now, of course, the only thing is to have him
destroyed as soon as possible."

"We can put some strychnine in the scraps he always gets at
dinner-time," said Sir Wilfrid, "and I will go and drown the stable cat
myself.  The coachman will be very sore at losing his pet, but I'll say
a very catching form of mange has broken out in both cats and we're
afraid of it spreading to the kennels."

"But my great discovery!" expostulated Mr. Appin; "after all my years
of research and experiment--"

"You can go and experiment on the shorthorns at the farm, who are under
proper control," said Mrs. Cornett, "or the elephants at the Zoological
Gardens.  They're said to be highly intelligent, and they have this
recommendation, that they don't come creeping about our bedrooms and
under chairs, and so forth."

An archangel ecstatically proclaiming the Millennium, and then finding
that it clashed unpardonably with Henley and would have to be
indefinitely postponed, could hardly have felt more crestfallen than
Cornelius Appin at the reception of his wonderful achievement.  Public
opinion, however, was against him--in fact, had the general voice been
consulted on the subject it is probable that a strong minority vote
would have been in favour of including him in the strychnine diet.

Defective train arrangements and a nervous desire to see matters
brought to a finish prevented an immediate dispersal of the party, but
dinner that evening was not a social success.  Sir Wilfrid had had
rather a trying time with the stable cat and subsequently with the
coachman.  Agnes Resker ostentatiously limited her repast to a morsel
of dry toast, which she bit as though it were a personal enemy; while
Mavis Pellington maintained a vindictive silence throughout the meal.
Lady Blemley kept up a flow of what she hoped was conversation, but her
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