The Curious Saga of Captain Turdo Page #5

4 Meditations on the Tyranny of Materialism

• Satire

								

Then young Johnson put his lips around the tip of the warhorn of Bognar and blew it. A melodious sound echoe throughout the Land to the North and Johnson felt all the power of Bognar pulse through his hands and up through the rest of his body. Donning a cape and an army helmet and stretching out his arms, he blasted off like a rocket and soared up, up, up, to the top of the highest mountain in the land. He flew circles around its peak, flapping his arms with majestic splendor and blowing the warhorn of Bognar repeatedly.  Soon a crowd of myriads and myriads and thousands and thousands gathered around him.  When he landed upon the peak of the mountain, dark clouds gathered and lightning struck on every side. He lifted both of his fists triumphantly into the air and shouted to the crowd, “Imagine!…” then he paused and stammered,   “Umm…no, forget that! Do not imagine! Know! Know with certainty, today, that there is no realm above that your hands cannot grasp, and there is no realm below where your foot cannot trod. Behold my hands! These hands are the highest and most noble truth! These hands are the past, present and future. These strong and mighty hands shall keep you safe in the storm; these hands shall guide you through the darkest valley! All creatures of this land shall bend before these luscious hands and forcefully receive my powerful love!” And the great crowd saw that his hands were dextrous and good for grasping and they all bent down before him and cried as one: “Truly we are your loyal subjects and adoring fans. Do to us as you please, for we long to please you.” 
One young man who had just arrived on the scene looked around astonished. He asked out loud to anyone who would listen, “If there is no power outside this earthly realm, then how was he flying around the peak of the mountain just now?” But his question was ignored by the crowd, who were quickly forming a neat line leading up to the peak of the mountain. And the Captain grasped each of them in turn. Then a wind blew and the people shuddered, for the wind was bitter and cold.  The crowd began to grow restless, desperate for a source of warmth. Again the young man cried out: “The bone density of humans and our lack of wings make it so we cannot overcome the force of gravity by our own power! By what power, then, was this man flying?!” But his question was drowned out by a resounding chorus from the crowd who cried, ”One grasp?, two grasps?, we want four! We’re desperate, Captain! We need some more. 

             
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