Mother Page #3

I wrote this story for the girls. If he has hurt you, you know this feeling.

• Fiction

								

“That’s right, like the boy deer. You’re so smart.”
“I’m Nadia,” Perdita moved in front of her daughter, shushing her. Her hand continued to tremble as she held the knife defensively.
“Nadia, that’s a beautiful name.” He smiled, nodding in approval. “Miss,” he directed at Perdita.
“Do you need help? I promise I don’t want to hurt ya. Heck, I just saved you both, didn’t I?”
	The man took another step forward as he crouched to place the gun on the ground. He took another step closer, hands raised to show his passive intent. Buck's next step was halted by a prickly bush that grabbed his pant leg, causing him to stumble. Perdita took this opportunity to scoop up her daughter and flee into the woods. 
“Wait, mama, Buck fell down! He needs help!” 
	But Perdita didn’t slow. She hopped over branches and logs, zigged behind trees, and zagged over creeks in an attempt to get as far away from the stranger as possible without leaving a trail he could follow. The sun had set by the time they reached the hut. She set Nadia on the bed just as her legs gave out from under her.
“Mama!” Nadia was on all fours, looking down at her. 
For the first time in a long time, Perdita cried. 


She dreamed of the night she left her uncle’s estate. That night started like all the others: Perdita locked her bedroom door, changed into her silk nightgown, and got into bed. She hoped her uncle would skip tonight, but he hadn’t ever skipped a night since it all started.
She was beginning to fall asleep when the floorboards creaked outside her door. Her heart raced as the doorknob wiggled and resisted being turned. There was a pause followed by keys jingling and a click. The door was open. Perdita hugged herself beneath the blankets and fought back tears as the bed creaked and shifted.
“Perdi, little Perdi,” Solomon whispered as he pulled away the covers and slid in beside her.
“You’re so beautiful, Perdi birdie. Just like Arabella.”
Solomon ran his hands over Perdita’s thigh as he whispered her mother's name again and again. 
“I promise I won't hurt you, sweetheart. I saved you, remember? You’re my precious birdie.”

Several days passed since the encounter with Buck. Perdita felt she successfully kept him off their trail during the escape. She’d been adamant about not lighting any fires for a while in case he caught a glimpse of the smoke. 
“I wanna find Bucky, mama.” Perdita ignored this comment and continued to sharpen her knife with a rock.
“Mama. Bucky was nice.” 
Again, Perdita said nothing.
“Bucky said he had a lamp,” she paused momentarily. “Mama, what’s a lamp?”
“It’s a source of light, like a candle. But that’s not what he said, Didi. He said camp, with a c. Now, don’t mention him again.”
“But why, mama? He seemed nice!” Nadia grabbed a stick and began to imitate Buck holding his gun when he shot the cougar. 
“And he has a loud stick that scared the couber away. BOOM.” Perdita sighed, placing the knife aside, and beckoned Nadia close.
“Buck is a stranger. We don’t know him. We can’t trust him because he might hurt us.”
“But the couber was gonna hurt us, and Buck saved us.”
“That’s true, but the cougar is predictable. It won’t pretend to be your friend like Buck might. He might fake being nice and end up being very mean. Dangerous. We can’t risk that, Didi.”
	Nadia sat quietly in her mother’s lap before speaking up again.
“You said the river is dangerous.”
“It is.”
“But we go to it every day.”
“It’s dangerous in a different way. We know that we’re safe as long as we don’t go too deep into the water.”
	Nadia scrunched her eyebrows together as if she were trying to solve a complex puzzle. 
“Different kinds of dangerouses?” 
“That’s right, Didi.”




Moonlight cut through the treetops as Perdita crept up to the walnut tree. She found the woven basket where she’d left it, only with more than walnuts inside. There were three almond cookies, an apple, and a folded piece of paper. Looking around, Perdita quickly grabbed the basket and retreated back into the woods. She walked until she felt it was safe before setting the basket down and opening the paper. It was a hand drawn map. Her eyes scanned over the geography, finding an X drawn with “walnut tree” scribbled next to it. To the left was a circle named “Bucky’s Camp.”
Perdita scoffed and tossed the map aside. She grabbed the apple and carefully rotated it in her hands, looking for any signs of tampering or imperfection. It appeared to be a normal apple. Next, she grabbed one of the cookies, holding it up to her nose. It smelled sweet, like powdered sugar and almonds. 

She felt herself salivating at the familiar smell, remembering herself buying tins of these cookies before the forest. After a moment of contemplation, she took a hesitant bite. 
As she bit into the almond cookie, memories flooded back to her. It had been five years since she last tasted its sweet, nutty flavor. The crisp texture of the cookie gave way to a satisfying chewiness, and she closed her eyes to fully savor the moment. The familiar taste brought a sense of comfort and nostalgia, and with each bite, a warm sense of happiness washed over her. A simple pleasure that she’d forgotten long ago was suddenly reignited. 

Perdita slumped to the cold ground and began to sob as she shoved the remaining bite of cookie into her mouth. Tears obscured her vision as she balled her fists into the muddy ground and succumbed to the overflowing despair within her heart. The ever-present lull of pain radiating from her jaw protested against the sweetness as a chunk of almond found its way into the rotten hole of her cavity and pressed into the exposed nerves. The pain that followed was agony. 

“Ah, f*ck..F*ck! Fucking- F*CK! This wasn’t my fault! I was just a girl! A girl! And you ruined her! You ruined ME!”

Perdita’s tears of remorse became those of fury. Her breathing became unsteady and wild as her neglected psyche broke free.

“I needed safety! Protection! My own father didn’t love me and I- I needed SOMEONE! I wanted it to be YOU! I’m broken, I’m broken I’m broken...You broke me! And now- I don’t know what to do…”

	Perdita’s head fell back and from her throat came a cry so raw and unbridled that for one moment, glowing under the silver moon, she was as a wolf howling its despairs into the stars.

						
Perdita wiggled herself away from Solomon as he slept soundly beside her. The hardwood floor was cool against her bare feet as she crept carefully over the areas she knew squeaked. Pausing with a hand on the wardrobe door, she turned to look back at Solomon. His naked form lay silhouetted by the silver light of the autumn moon as snores rumbled from his hairy chest.

Expressionless, she returned her attention to the wardrobe and opened it cautiously. Among the many high-end jewels, silks, and satins of various colors, she grabbed a simple green gown that was on the heavier side for harsh winters and placed it on the duvet. Perdita froze when she saw herself in the mirror; bruises with purple and red hues littered her inner thighs and hips, and fresh bite marks swelled against her aching breasts.

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