Manners Makyth Man Page #3

"Manners Makyth Man" is a humorous short story by W. W. Jacobs, known for his sharp wit and observation of human nature. Set in a charming coastal town, the narrative follows the misadventures of a group of characters who navigate social interactions guided by the adage that good manners define a person's character. Jacobs explores themes of social class, etiquette, and human folly, using clever dialogue and situational comedy to reveal the absurdities of societal norms. The story highlights the contrast between appearances and reality, ultimately suggesting that true character transcends mere manners.

• Humour
• Short story

								


"'Look 'ere,' I ses, shoving 'im off.

"'She fell overboard,' he ses, dancing about.  'Oh, my pore sister!
Quick!  Quick!  I can't swim!'

"He ran to the side and pointed at the water, which was just about at
'arf-tide.  Then 'e caught 'old of me agin.

"'Make 'aste,' he ses, giving me a shove behind.  'Jump in.  Wot are you
waiting for?'

"I stood there for a moment 'arf dazed, looking down at the water.  Then
I pulled down a life-belt from the wall 'ere and threw it in, and, arter
another moment's thought, ran back to the Lizzie and Annie, wot was in
the inside berth, and gave them a hail.  I've always 'ad a good voice,
and in a flash the skipper and Ted Sawyer came tumbling up out of the
cabin and the 'ands out of the fo'c'sle.

"'Gal overboard!' I ses, shouting.

"The skipper just asked where, and then 'im and the mate and a couple of
'ands tumbled into their boat and pulled under the jetty for all they was
worth.  Me and the boy ran back and stood with the others, watching.

"'Point out the exact spot,' ses the skipper.

"The boy pointed, and the skipper stood up in the boat and felt round
with a boat-hook.  Twice 'e said he thought 'e touched something, but it
turned out as 'e was mistaken.  His face got longer and longer and 'e
shook his 'ead, and said he was afraid it was no good.

"'Don't stand cryin' 'ere,' he ses to the boy, kindly.  'Jem, run round
for the Thames police, and get them and the drags.  Take the boy with
you.  It'll occupy 'is mind.'

"He 'ad another go with the boat-hook arter they 'ad gone; then 'e gave
it up, and sat in the boat waiting.

"'This'll be a bad job for you, watchman,' he ses, shaking his 'ead.
'Where was you when it 'appened?'

"'He's been missing all the evening,' ses the cook, wot was standing
beside me.  'If he'd been doing 'is dooty, the pore gal wouldn't 'ave
been drownded.  Wot was she doing on the wharf?'

"'Skylarkin', I s'pose,' ses the mate.  'It's a wonder there ain't more
drownded.  Wot can you expect when the watchman is sitting in a pub all
the evening?'

"The cook said I ought to be 'ung, and a young ordinary seaman wot was
standing beside 'im said he would sooner I was boiled.  I believe they
'ad words about it, but I was feeling too upset to take much notice.

"'Looking miserable won't bring 'er back to life agin,' ses the skipper,
looking up at me and shaking his 'ead.  'You'd better go down to my cabin
and get yourself a drop o' whisky; there's a bottle on the table.  You'll
want all your wits about you when the police come.  And wotever you do
don't say nothing to criminate yourself.'

"'We'll do the criminating for 'im all right,' ses the cook.

"'If I was the pore gal I'd haunt 'im,' ses the ordinary seaman; 'every
night of 'is life I'd stand afore 'im dripping with water and moaning.'

"'P'r'aps she will,' ses the cook; 'let's 'ope so, at any rate.'

"I didn't answer 'em; I was too dead-beat.  Besides which, I've got a
'orror of ghosts, and the idea of being on the wharf alone of a night
arter such a thing was a'most too much for me.  I went on board the
Lizzie and Annie, and down in the cabin I found a bottle o' whisky, as
the skipper 'ad said.  I sat down on the locker and 'ad a glass, and then
I sat worrying and wondering wot was to be the end of it all.

"The whisky warmed me up a bit, and I 'ad just taken up the bottle to
'elp myself agin when I 'eard a faint sort o' sound in the skipper's
state-room.  I put the bottle down and listened, but everything seemed
deathly still.  I took it up agin, and 'ad just poured out a drop o'
whisky when I distinctly 'eard a hissing noise and then a little moan.

"For a moment I sat turned to stone.  Then I put the bottle down quiet,
and 'ad just got up to go when the door of the state-room opened, and I
saw the drownded gal, with 'er little face and hair all wet and dripping,
standing before me.

"Ted Sawyer 'as been telling everybody that I came up the companion-way
like a fog-horn that 'ad lost its ma; I wonder how he'd 'ave come up if
he'd 'ad the evening I had 'ad?

"They were all on the jetty as I got there and tumbled into the skipper's
arms, and all asking at once wot was the matter.  When I got my breath
back a bit and told 'em, they laughed.  All except the cook, and 'e said
it was only wot I might expect.  Then, like a man in a dream, I see the
gal come out of the companion and walk slowly to the side.

"'Look!' I ses.  'Look.  There she is!'

"'You're dreaming,' ses the skipper, 'there's nothing there.'

"They all said the same, even when the gal stepped on to the side and
climbed on to the wharf.  She came along towards me with 'er arms held
close to 'er sides, and making the most 'orrible faces at me, and it took
five of'em all their time to 'old me.  The wharf and everything seemed to
me to spin round and round.  Then she came straight up to me and patted
me on the cheek.

"'Pore old gentleman,' she ses.  'Wot a shame it is, Ted!  It's too bad.'

"They let go o' me then, and stamped up and down the jetty laughing fit
to kill themselves.  If they 'ad only known wot a exhibition they was
making of themselves, and 'ow I pitied them, they wouldn't ha' done it.
And by and by Ted wiped his eyes and put his arm round the gal's waist
and ses--

"'This is my intended, Miss Florrie Price,' he ses.  'Ain't she a little
wonder?  Wot d'ye think of 'er?'

"'I'll keep my own opinion,' I ses.  'I ain't got nothing to say against
gals, but if I only lay my hands on that young brother of 'ers'

"They went off agin then, worse than ever; and at last the cook came and
put 'is skinny arm round my neck and started spluttering in my ear.  I
shoved 'im off hard, because I see it all then; and I should ha' seen it
afore only I didn't 'ave time to think.  I don't bear no malice, and all
I can say is that I don't wish 'er any harder punishment than to be
married to Ted Sawyer."
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