Fairy Gold Page #3

"Fairy Gold" is a collection of whimsical and humorous short stories by W. W. Jacobs, known for his distinctively British storytelling style. The tales often blend elements of fantasy and realism, featuring eccentric characters and unexpected twists. Jacobs's writing captures the charm of everyday life while infusing it with a sense of enchantment and folly. Through his vivid narratives, readers are invited to explore a world where the mundane collides with the magical, highlighting the absurdities of human nature and the allure of the fantastical.

• Humour
• Short story

								


"Soot?"  suggested Mr. Teak, sourly.

"Any more of your nasty snacks and I chuck it up altogether," said Mr.
Chase, heatedly.  "If I wasn't hard up I'd drop it now."

He went up to his room in dudgeon, and for the next few days Mr. Teak saw
but little of him.  To, lure Mrs. Teak out was almost as difficult as to
persuade a snail to leave its shell, but he succeeded on two or three
occasions, and each time she added something to her wardrobe.

The assistant fortune-hunter had been in residence just a month when Mr.
Teak, returning home one afternoon, stood in the small passage listening
to a suppressed wailing noise proceeding from upstairs.  It was so creepy
that half-way up he hesitated, and, in a stern but trembling voice,
demanded to know what his wife meant by it.  A louder wail than before
was the only reply, and, summoning up his courage, he pushed open the
door of the bedroom and peeped in.  His gaze fell on Mrs. Teak, who was
sitting on the hearth-rug, rocking to and fro in front of a dismantled
fire-place.

"What--what's the matter?"  he said, hastily.

Mrs. Teak raised her voice to a pitch that set his teeth on edge.  "My
money!" she wailed.  "It's all gone!  All gone!"

"Money?"  repeated Mr. Teak, hardly able to contain himself.  "What
money?"

"All--all my savings!"  moaned his wife.  "Savings!"  said the delighted
Mr. Teak.  "What savings?"

"Money I have been putting by for our old age," said his wife.  "Three
hundred and twenty-two pounds.  All gone!"

In a fit of sudden generosity Mr. Teak decided then and there that Mr.
Chase should have the odd twenty-two pounds.

"You're dreaming!"  he said, sternly.

"I wish I was," said his wife, wiping her eyes.  "Three hundred and
twenty-two pounds in empty mustard-tins.  Every ha'penny's gone!"

Mr. Teak's eye fell on the stove.  He stepped for ward and examined it.
The back was out, and Mrs. Teak, calling his attention to a tunnel at the
side, implored him to put his arm in and satisfy himself that it was
empty.

"But where could you get all that money from?"  he demanded, after a
prolonged groping.

"Sa--sa--saved it," sobbed his wife, "for our old age."

"Our old age?"  repeated Mr. Teak, in lofty tones.  "And suppose I had
died first?  Or suppose you had died sudden?  This is what comes of
deceitfulness and keeping things from your husband.  Now somebody has
stole it."

Mrs. Teak bent her head and sobbed again.  "I--I had just been out for
--for an hour," she gasped.  "When I came back I fou--fou--found the
washhouse window smashed, and--"

Sobs choked her utterance.  Mr. Teak, lost in admiration of Mr. Chase's
cleverness, stood regarding her in silence.

"What--what about the police?"  said his wife at last.

"Police!"  repeated Mr. Teak, with extraordinary vehemence.  "Police!
Certainly not.  D'ye think I'm going to let it be known all round that
I'm the husband of a miser?  I'd sooner lose ten times the money."

He stalked solemnly out of the room and downstairs, and, safe in the
parlour, gave vent to his feelings in a wild but silent hornpipe.  He
cannoned against the table at last, and, subsiding into an easy-chair,
crammed his handkerchief to his mouth and gave way to suppressed mirth.

In his excitement he forgot all about tea, and the bereaved Mrs. Teak
made no attempt to come downstairs to prepare it.  With his eye on the
clock he waited with what patience he might for the arrival of Mr. Chase.
The usual hour for his return came and went.  Another hour passed; and
another.  A horrible idea that Mr. Chase had been robbed gave way to one
more horrible still.  He paced the room in dismay, until at nine o'clock
his wife came down, and in a languid fashion began to set the
supper-table.

"Alf's very late," said Mr. Teak, thickly.

"Is he?"  said his wife, dully.

"Very late," said Mr. Teak.  "I can't think--Ah, there he is!"

He took a deep breath and clenched 'his hands together.  By the time Mr.
Chase came into the room he was able to greet him with a stealthy wink.
Mr. Chase, with a humorous twist of his mouth, winked back.

"We've 'ad a upset," said Mr. Teak, in warning tones.

"Eh?" said the other, as Mrs. Teak threw her apron over her head and sank
into a chair.  "What about?"

In bated accents, interrupted at times by broken murmurs from his wife,
Mr. Teak informed him of the robbery.  Mr. Chase, leaning against the
doorpost, listened with open mouth and distended eyeballs.  Occasional
interjections of pity and surprise attested his interest.  The tale
finished, the gentlemen exchanged a significant wink and sighed in
unison.

"And now," said Mr. Teak an hour later, after his wife had retired,
"where is it?"

"Ah, that's the question," said Mr. Chase, roguishly.  "I wonder where it
can be?"

"I--I hope it's in a safe place," said Mr. Teak, anxiously.  "Where 'ave
you put it?"

"Me?"  said Mr. Chase.  "Who are you getting at?  I ain't put it
anywhere.  You know that."

"Don't play the giddy goat," said the other, testily.  "Where've you hid
it?  Is it safe?"

Mr. Chase leaned back in his chair and, shaking his head at him, smiled
approvingly.  "You're a little wonder, that's what you are, Gussie," he
remarked.  "No wonder your pore wife is took in so easy."

Mr. Teak sprang up in a fury.  "Don't play the fool," he said hoarsely.
"Where's the money?  I want it.  Now, where've you put it?"

"Go on," said Mr. Chase, with a chuckle.  "Go on.  Don't mind me.  You
ought to be on the stage, Gussie, that's where you ought to be."

"I'm not joking," said Mr. Teak, in a trembling voice, "and I don't want
you to joke with me.  If you think you are going off with my money,
you're mistook.  If you don't tell me in two minutes where it is, I shall
give you in charge for theft."

"Oh" said Mr. Chase.  He took a deep breath.  "Oh, really!"  he said.  "I
wouldn't 'ave thought it of you, Gussie.  I wouldn't 'ave thought you'd
have played it so low down.  I'm surprised at you."

"You thought wrong, then," said the other.

"Trying to do me out o' my twenty pounds, that's what you are," said Mr.
Chase, knitting his brows.  "But it won't do, my boy.  I wasn't born
yesterday.  Hand it over, afore I lose my temper.  Twenty pounds I want
of you, and I don't leave this room till I get it."

Speechless with fury, Mr. Teak struck at him.  The next moment the
supper-table was overturned with a crash, and Mr. Chase, with his friend
in his powerful grasp, was doing his best, as he expressed it, to shake
the life out of him.  A faint scream sounded from above, steps pattered
on the stairs, and Mrs. Teak, with a red shawl round her shoulders, burst
'hurriedly into the room.  Mr. Chase released Mr. Teak, opened his mouth
to speak, and then, thinking better of it, dashed into the passage, took
his hat from the peg, and, slamming the front door with extraordinary
violence, departed.

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