Bill’s Lapse Page #4

"Bill’s Lapse" by W. W. Jacobs is a humorous short story that revolves around the character of Bill, whose carefree and often careless attitude leads to a series of comedic misadventures. Set in a quaint English seaside village, the narrative explores themes of personal responsibility and the unpredictable consequences of one's actions. Jacobs's distinctive wit and keen observations of human nature shine through, making this tale both entertaining and thought-provoking. Through a blend of light-hearted mischief and insightful character portrayal, the story captures the charm of everyday life, infused with a touch of absurdity.

• Humour
• Short story

								

’im, and as he peeped in ’e saw two things sitting up in bed with their
’air standing up all over like mops and their faces tied up with
bandages. He was that startled ’e nearly screamed, and then ’e stepped
into the room and stared at ’em as if he couldn’t believe ’is eyes.

“Is that you, Ginger?” he ses. “Wot d’ye mean by making sights of
yourselves like that? ’Ave you took leave of your senses?”

Ginger and Peter shook their ’eads and rolled their eyes, and then Sam
see wot was the matter with ’em. Fust thing ’e did was to pull out ’is
knife and cut Ginger’s gag off, and the fust thing Ginger did was to
call ’im every name ’e could lay his tongue to.

“You wait a moment,” he screams, ’arf crying with rage. “You wait till
I get my ’ands loose and I’ll pull you to pieces. The idea o’ leaving
us like this all night, you old crocodile. I ’eard you come in. I’ll
pay you.”

Sam didn’t answer ’im. He cut off Peter Russet’s gag, and Peter Russet
called ’im ’arf a score o’ names without taking breath.

“And when Ginger’s finished I’ll ’ave a go at you,” he ses. “Cut off
these lines.”

“At once, d’ye hear?” ses Ginger. “Oh, you wait till I get my ’ands on
you.”

Sam didn’t answer ’em; he shut up ’is knife with a click and then ’e
sat at the foot o’ the bed on Ginger’s feet and looked at ’em. It
wasn’t the fust time they’d been rude to ’im, but as a rule he’d ’ad to
put up with it. He sat and listened while Ginger swore ’imself faint.

“That’ll do,” he ses, at last; “another word and I shall put the
bedclothes over your ’ead. Afore I do anything more I want to know wot
it’s all about.”

Peter told ’im, arter fust calling ’im some more names, because Ginger
was past it, and when ’e’d finished old Sam said ’ow surprised he was
at them for letting Bill do it, and told ’em how they ought to ’ave
prevented it. He sat there talking as though ’e enjoyed the sound of
’is own voice, and he told Peter and Ginger all their faults and said
wot sorrow it caused their friends. Twice he ’ad to throw the
bedclothes over their ’eads because o’ the noise they was making.

“Are you going—to undo—us?” ses Ginger, at last.

“No, Ginger,” ses old Sam; “in justice to myself I couldn’t do it.
Arter wot you’ve said—and arter wot I’ve said—my life wouldn’t be safe.
Besides which, you’d want to go shares in my money.”

He took up ’is chest and marched downstairs with it, and about ’arf an
hour arterward the landlady’s ’usband came up and set ’em free. As soon
as they’d got the use of their legs back they started out to look for
Sam, but they didn’t find ’im for nearly a year, and as for Bill, they
never set eyes on ’im again.
								Rate this book:0.0 / 0 votes