A Faint Heart Page #2

"A Faint Heart" is a short story by Fyodor Dostoevsky that explores themes of human vulnerability, emotional conflict, and the complexity of relationships. The narrative centers around a man who grapples with feelings of inadequacy and fear in the face of love and societal expectations. Dostoevsky delves into the psyche of his characters, revealing their inner struggles and moral dilemmas, ultimately offering a poignant commentary on the nature of courage and the faint-heartedness that can afflict us all. Through rich character interactions and psychological depth, the story illustrates the burdens of self-doubt and the quest for authentic connection.

• Novel

								

one another again and forgot the past.

"How is it--how is it? Tell me all about it, Vasya! I am astonished,
excuse me, brother, but I am utterly astonished; it's a perfect
thunderbolt, by Jove! Nonsense, nonsense, brother, you have made it up,
you've really made it up, you are telling fibs!" cried Arkady
Ivanovitch, and he actually looked into Vasya's face with genuine
uncertainty, but seeing in it the radiant confirmation of a positive
intention of being married as soon as possible, threw himself on the bed
and began rolling from side to side in ecstasy till the walls shook.

"Vasya, sit here," he said at last, sitting down on the bed.

"I really don't know, brother, where to begin!"

They looked at one another in joyful excitement.

"Who is she, Vasya?"

"The Artemyevs!..." Vasya pronounced, in a voice weak with emotion.

"No?"

"Well, I did buzz into your ears about them at first, and then I shut
up, and you noticed nothing. Ah, Arkasha, if you knew how hard it was to
keep it from you; but I was afraid, afraid to speak! I thought it would
all go wrong, and you know I was in love, Arkasha! My God! my God! You
see this was the trouble," he began, pausing continually from agitation,
"she had a suitor a year ago, but he was suddenly ordered somewhere; I
knew him--he was a fellow, bless him! Well, he did not write at all, he
simply vanished. They waited and waited, wondering what it meant....
Four months ago he suddenly came back married, and has never set foot
within their doors! It was coarse--shabby! And they had no one to stand
up for them. She cried and cried, poor girl, and I fell in love with her
... indeed, I had been in love with her long before, all the time! I
began comforting her, and was always going there.... Well, and I really
don't know how it has all come about, only she came to love me; a week
ago I could not restrain myself, I cried, I sobbed, and told her
everything--well, that I love her--everything, in fact!... 'I am ready
to love you, too, Vassily Petrovitch, only I am a poor girl, don't make
a mock of me; I don't dare to love any one.' Well, brother, you
understand! You understand?... On that we got engaged on the spot. I
kept thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking, I said to her,
'How are we to tell your mother?' She said, 'It will be hard, wait a
little; she's afraid, and now maybe she would not let you have me; she
keeps crying, too.' Without telling her I blurted it out to her mother
to-day. Lizanka fell on her knees before her, I did the same ... well,
she gave us her blessing. Arkasha, Arkasha! My dear fellow! We will live
together. No, I won't part from you for anything."

"Vasya, look at you as I may, I can't believe it. I don't believe it, I
swear. I keep feeling as though.... Listen, how can you be engaged to be
married?... How is it I didn't know, eh? Do you know, Vasya, I will
confess it to you now. I was thinking of getting married myself; but now
since you are going to be married, it is just as good! Be happy, be
happy!..."

"Brother, I feel so lighthearted now, there is such sweetness in my soul
..." said Vasya, getting up and pacing about the room excitedly. "Don't
you feel the same? We shall be poor, of course, but we shall be happy;
and you know it is not a wild fancy; our happiness is not a fairy tale;
we shall be happy in reality!..."

"Vasya, Vasya, listen!"

"What?" said Vasya, standing before Arkady Ivanovitch.

"The idea occurs to me; I am really afraid to say it to you.... Forgive
me, and settle my doubts. What are you going to live on? You know I am
delighted that you are going to be married, of course, I am delighted,
and I don't know what to do with myself, but--what are you going to live
on? Eh?"

"Oh, good Heavens! What a fellow you are, Arkasha!" said Vasya, looking
at Nefedevitch in profound astonishment. "What do you mean? Even her old
mother, even she did not think of that for two minutes when I put it all
clearly before her. You had better ask what they are living on! They
have five hundred roubles a year between the three of them: the pension,
which is all they have, since the father died. She and her old mother
and her little brother, whose schooling is paid for out of that income
too--that is how they live! It's you and I are the capitalists! Some
good years it works out to as much as seven hundred for me."

"I say, Vasya, excuse me; I really ... you know I ... I am only thinking
how to prevent things going wrong. How do you mean, seven hundred? It's
only three hundred...."

"Three hundred!... And Yulian Mastakovitch? Have you forgotten him?"

"Yulian Mastakovitch? But you know that's uncertain, brother; that's not
the same thing as three hundred roubles of secure salary, where every
rouble is a friend you can trust. Yulian Mastakovitch, of course, he's a
great man, in fact, I respect him, I understand him, though he is so far
above us; and, by Jove, I love him, because he likes you and gives you
something for your work, though he might not pay you, but simply order a
clerk to work for him--but you will agree, Vasya.... Let me tell you,
too, I am not talking nonsense. I admit in all Petersburg you won't find
a handwriting like your handwriting, I am ready to allow that to you,"
Nefedevitch concluded, not without enthusiasm. "But, God forbid! you may
displease him all at once, you may not satisfy him, your work with him
may stop, he may take another clerk--all sorts of things may happen, in
fact! You know, Yulian Mastakovitch may be here to-day and gone
to-morrow...."

"Well, Arkasha, the ceiling might fall on our heads this minute."

"Oh, of course, of course, I mean nothing."

"But listen, hear what I have got to say--you know, I don't see how he
can part with me.... No, hear what I have to say! hear what I have to
say! You see, I perform all my duties punctually; you know how kind he
is, you know, Arkasha, he gave me fifty roubles in silver to-day!"

"Did he really, Vasya? A bonus for you?"

"Bonus, indeed, it was out of his own pocket. He said: 'Why, you have
had no money for five months, brother, take some if you want it; thank
you, I am satisfied with you.'... Yes, really! 'Yes, you don't work for
me for nothing,' said he. He did, indeed, that's what he said. It
brought tears into my eyes, Arkasha. Good Heavens, yes!"

"I say, Vasya, have you finished copying those papers?..."

"No.... I haven't finished them yet."

"Vas...ya! My angel! What have you been doing?"

"Listen, Arkasha, it doesn't matter, they are not wanted for another two
days, I have time enough...."

"How is it you have not done them?"

"That's all right, that's all right. You look so horror-stricken that
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