A Disciplinarian Page #2

"A Disciplinarian" by W. W. Jacobs is a humorous short story that centers on a strict schoolmaster and his eccentric methods of enforcing discipline. Set in the backdrop of early 20th-century England, the narrative blends wit and irony as it explores themes of authority, rebellion, and the peculiarities of human nature. Jacobs' characteristic entertaining style brings to life the clash between traditional educational practices and the individuality of students, ultimately revealing the absurdities that can arise within the framework of discipline.

• Fiction

								


“‘All England shall ring with his deed,’ ses another.

“‘Sympathy’s cheap,’ ses one of the men passengers solemnly. ‘If we
ever reach land we must all band together to keep his widow an’
orphans.’

“‘Hear, hear,’ cries everybody.

“‘And we’ll put up a granite tombstone to his memory,’ ses Mrs.
Prendergast.

“‘S’pose we pull back to the ship an’ take him off,’ ses a gentleman
from another boat. ‘I’m thinking it ’ud come cheaper, an’ perhaps the
puir mon would really like it better himself.’

“‘Shame,’ ses most of ’em; an’ I reely b’leeve they’d worked
theirselves up to that pitch they’d ha’ felt disappointed if the
skipper had been saved.

“We pulled along slowly, the mate’s boat leading, looking back every
now and then at the old ship, and wondering when she would go off, for
she’d got that sort of stuff in her hold which ’ud send her up with a
bang as soon as the fire got to it; an’ we was all waiting for the
shock.

“‘Do you know where we’re going, Mr. Bunce,’ calls out the major.

“‘Yes,’ ses the mate.

“‘What’s the nearest land?’ asks the major.

“‘Bout a thousand miles,’ ses the mate.

“Then the major went into figures, an’ worked out that it ’ud take us
about ten days to reach land and three to reach the bottom o’ the water
kegs. He shouted that out to the mate; an’ the young leftenant what was
in the mate’s boat smoking a big cigar said there’d be quite a run on
granite tombstones. He said it was a blessed thing he had disinherited
his children for marrying agin his wishes, so there wouldn’t be any
orphans left to mourn for him.

“Some o’ the wimmin smiled a little at this, an’ old Mrs. Prendergast
shook so that she made the boat rock. We got quite cheerful somehow,
and one of the other men spoke up and said that owing to his only
having reckoned two pints to the gallon, the major’s fingers wasn’t to
be relied, upon.

“We got more cheerful then, and we was beginning to look on it as just
a picnic, when I’m blest if the mate’s boat didn’t put about and head
for the ship agin.

“There was a commotion then if you like, everybody talking and laughing
at once; and Mrs. Prendergast said that such a thing as one
single-handed cap’n staying behind to go down with his ship, and then
putting the fire out all by himself after his men had fled, had never
been heard of before, an’ she said it never would be again. She said he
must be terribly burnt, and he’d have to be put to bed and wrapped up
in oily rags.

“It didn’t take us long to get aboard again, and the ladies fairly
mobbed the skipper. Tom Hall swore as ’ow Mrs. Prendergast tried to
kiss him, an’ the fuss they made of him was ridiculous. I heard the
clang of the telegraph in the engine-room soon as the boats was hoisted
up, the engines started, and off we went again.

“‘Speech,’ yells out somebody. ‘Speech.’ “‘Bravo!’ ses the others.
‘Bravo!’ “Then the skipper stood up an’ made ’em a nice little speech.
First of all he thanked ’em for their partiality and kindness shewn to
him, and the orderly way in which they had left the ship. He said it
reflected credit on all concerned, crew and passengers, an’ no doubt
they’d be surprised when he told them that there hadn’t been any fire
at all, but that it was just a test to make sure that the boat drill
was properly understood.

“He was quite right about them being surprised, Noisy, too, they was,
an’ the things they said about the man they’d just been wanting to give
granite tombstones to was simply astonishing. It would have taken a
whole cemetery o’ tombstones to put down all they said about him, and
then they’d ha’ had to cut the letters small.

“‘I vote we have an indignation meeting in the saloon to record our
disgust at the cap’n’s behaviour,’ ses the major fiercely. ‘I beg to
propose that Mr. Macpherson take the chair.’

“‘I second that,’ ses another, fierce-like.

“‘I beg to propose the major instead,’ ses somebody else in a heavy
off-hand sort o’ way; ‘Mr. Macpherson’s boat not having come back yet.’

“At first everybody thought he was joking, but when they found he was
really speaking the truth the excitement was awful. Fortunately as Mrs.
Prendergast remarked, there was no ladies in the boat, but there was
several men passengers. We were doing a good thirteen knots an hour,
but we brought up at once, an’ then we ’ad the most lovely firework
display I ever see aboard ship in my life. Blue lights and rockets and
guns going all night, while we cruised slowly about, and the passengers
sat on deck arguing as to whether the skipper would be hung or
imprisoned for life.

“It was daybreak afore we sighted them, just a little speck near the
skyline, an’ we bore down on them for all we was worth. Half an hour
later they was alongside, an’ of all the chilly, miserable-looking men
I ever see they was the worst.

“They had to be helped up the side a’most, and they was so grateful it
was quite affecting, until the true state o’ things was explained to
them. It seemed to change ’em wonderful, an’ after Mr. Macpherson had
had three cups o’ hot coffee an’ four glasses o’ brandy he took the
chair at the indignation meeting, an’ went straight off to sleep in it.
They woke him up three times, but he was so cross about it that the
ladies had to go away an’ the meeting was adjourned.

“I don’t think it ever came to much after all, nobody being really
hurt, an’ the skipper being so much upset they felt sort o’ sorry for
’im.

“The rest of the passage was very quiet an’ comfortable, but o’ course
it all came out at the other end, an’ the mate brought the ship home.
Some o’ the chaps said the skipper was a bit wrong in the ’ed, and,
while I’m not gainsaying that, it’s my firm opinion that he was
persuaded to do what he did by that young leftenant. As I said afore,
he was a larky young chap, an’ very fond of a joke if he didn’t have to
pay for it.”
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