"Ministers of Grace" Page #2

"Ministers of Grace" is a collection of short stories by Hector Hugh Munro, better known by his pen name, Saki. Published in 1914, the book features a series of witty and often darkly humorous tales that showcase Saki's sharp satire and keen observations of Edwardian society. The stories explore themes of social norms, human folly, and the absurdities of life, often with a twist ending. Saki's distinctive style combines playful language with biting commentary, making "Ministers of Grace" a compelling read for fans of clever storytelling and acerbic wit.

• Short story

								


"That's only the beginning," said the Duke complacently; "I've made it
operative with all of them, irrespective of parties."

Belturbet made no coherent reply; he was engaged in feeling his pulse.
The Duke fixed his attention with some interest on a black swan that
was swimming with haughty, stiff-necked aloofness amid the crowd of
lesser water-fowl that dotted the ornamental water. For all its pride
of bearing, something was evidently ruffling and enraging it; in its
way it seemed as angry and amazed as the sparrow had been.

At the same moment a human figure came along the pathway. Belturbet
looked up apprehensively.

"Kedzon," he whispered briefly.

"An Angel-Kedzon, if I am not mistaken," said the Duke.  "Look, he is
talking affably to a human being.  That settles it."

A shabbily dressed lounger had accosted the man who had been Viceroy in
the splendid East, and who still reflected in his mien some of the cold
dignity of the Himalayan snow-peaks.

"Could you tell me, sir, if them white birds is storks or halbatrosses?
I had an argyment--"

The cold dignity thawed at once into genial friendliness.

"Those are pelicans, my dear sir.  Are you interested in birds? If you
would join me in a bun and a glass of milk at the stall yonder, I could
tell you some interesting things about Indian birds.  Right oh!  Now
the hill-mynah, for instance--"

The two men disappeared in the direction of the bun stall, chatting
volubly as they went, and shadowed from the other side of the railed
enclosure by a black swan, whose temper seemed to have reached the
limit of inarticulate rage.

Belturbet gazed in an open-mouthed wonder after the retreating couple,
then transferred his attention to the infuriated swan, and finally
turned with a look of scared comprehension at his young friend lolling
unconcernedly in his chair.  There was no longer any room to doubt what
was happening.  The "silly talk" had been translated into terrifying
action.

"I think a prairie oyster on the top of a stiffish brandy-and-soda
might save my reason," said Belturbet weakly, as he limped towards his
club.

It was late in the day before he could steady his nerves sufficiently
to glance at the evening papers.  The Parliamentary report proved
significant reading, and confirmed the fears that he had been trying to
shake off.  Mr. Ap Dave, the Chancellor, whose lively controversial
style endeared him to his supporters and embittered him, politically
speaking, to his opponents, had risen in his place to make an
unprovoked apology for having alluded in a recent speech to certain
protesting taxpayers as "skulkers."  He had realized on reflection that
they were in all probability perfectly honest in their inability to
understand certain legal technicalities of the new finance laws.  The
House had scarcely recovered from this sensation when Lord Hugo Sizzle
caused a further flutter of astonishment by going out of his way to
indulge in an outspoken appreciation of the fairness, loyalty, and
straightforwardness not only of the Chancellor, but of all the members
of the Cabinet.  A wit had gravely suggested moving the adjournment of
the House in view of the unexpected circumstances that had arisen.

Belturbet anxiously skimmed over a further item of news printed
immediately below the Parliamentary report: "Wild cat found in an
exhausted condition in Palace Yard."

"Now I wonder which of them--" he mused, and then an appalling idea
came to him.  "Supposing he's put them both into the same beast!"  He
hurriedly ordered another prairie oyster.

Belturbet was known in his club as a strictly moderate drinker; his
consumption of alcoholic stimulants that day gave rise to considerable
comment.

The events of the next few days were piquantly bewildering to the world
at large; to Belturbet, who knew dimly what was happening, the
situation was fraught with recurring alarms.  The old saying that in
politics it's the unexpected that always happens received a
justification that it had hitherto somewhat lacked, and the epidemic of
startling personal changes of front was not wholly confined to the
realm of actual politics.  The eminent chocolate magnate, Sadbury,
whose antipathy to the Turf and everything connected with it was a
matter of general knowledge, had evidently been replaced by an
Angel-Sadbury, who proceeded to electrify the public by blossoming
forth as an owner of race-horses, giving as a reason his matured
conviction that the sport was, after all, one which gave healthy
open-air recreation to large numbers of people drawn from all classes
of the community, and incidentally stimulated the important industry of
horse-breeding.  His colours, chocolate and cream hoops spangled with
pink stars, promised to become as popular as any on the Turf.  At the
same time, in order to give effect to his condemnation of the evils
resulting from the spread of the gambling habit among wage-earning
classes, who lived for the most part from hand to mouth, he suppressed
all betting news and tipsters' forecasts in the popular evening paper
that was under his control.  His action received instant recognition
and support from the Angel-proprietor of the EVENING VIEWS, the
principal rival evening halfpenny paper, who forthwith issued an ukase
decreeing a similar ban on betting news, and in a short while the
regular evening Press was purged of all mention of starting prices and
probable winners.  A considerable drop in the circulation of all these
papers was the immediate result, accompanied, of course, by a
falling-off in advertisement value, while a crop of special betting
broadsheets sprang up to supply the newly-created want.  Under their
influence the betting habit became if anything rather more widely
diffused than before.  The Duke had possibly overlooked the futility of
koepenicking the leaders of the nation with excellently intentioned
angel under-studies, while leaving the mass of the people in its
original condition.

Further sensation and dislocation was caused in the Press world by the
sudden and dramatic RAPPROCHEMENT which took place between the
Angel-Editor of the SCRUTATOR and the Angel-Editor of the ANGLIAN
REVIEW, who not only ceased to criticize and disparage the tone and
tendencies of each other's publication, but agreed to exchange
editorships for alternating periods.  Here again public support was not
on the side of the angels; constant readers of the SCRUTATOR complained
bitterly of the strong meat which was thrust upon them at fitful
intervals in place of the almost vegetarian diet to which they had
become confidently accustomed; even those who were not mentally averse
to strong meat as a separate course were pardonably annoyed at being
supplied with it in the pages of the SCRUTATOR.  To be suddenly
confronted with a pungent herring salad when one had attuned oneself to
tea and toast, or to discover a richly truffled segment of PATÉ DE FOIE
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