Alice in Blunderland: An Iridescent Dream

								



"'Fined five dollars'"                                              84


"'The dictionary we are compiling'"                                 85


"Alice transfixed at the phone"                                     86


"'The biggest jackass from Dan to Beersheba'"                       87


"'Larger measure than was the custom'"                              94


"Greeted by the Commissioner, the Haberdasher"                      99


"'It runs this way, your honour'"                                  100


"'Our thinking department'"                                        102


"'When they think nobody's looking'"                               116


"'If you get into trouble, use this'"                              119


"Seizing her by the arm"                                           122


"'Why--have I--I really fallen?'"                                  124

CHAPTER I
OFF TO BLUNDERLAND

It was one of those dull, drab, depressing days when somehow or other it
seemed as if there wasn't anything anywhere for anybody to do. It was
raining outdoors, so that Alice could not amuse herself in the garden,
or call upon her friend Little Lord Fauntleroy up the street; and
downstairs her mother was giving a Bridge Party for the benefit of the
M. O. Hot Tamale Company, which had lately fallen upon evil days.
Alice's mother was a very charitably disposed person, and while she
loathed gambling in all its forms, was nevertheless willing for the sake
of a good cause to forego her principles on alternate Thursdays, but she
was very particular that her little daughter should be kept aloof from
contaminating influences, so that Alice found herself locked in the
nursery and, as I have already intimated, with nothing to do. She had
read all her books--The House of Mirth, the novels of Hall Caine and
Marie Corelli--the operation for appendicitis upon her dollie, while
very successful indeed, had left poor Flaxilocks without a scrap of
sawdust in her veins, and therefore unable to play; and worst of all,
her pet kitten, under the new city law making all felines public
property, had grown into a regular cat and appeared only at mealtimes,
and then in so disreputable a condition that he was not thought to be
fit company for a child of seven.
"Oh dear!" cried Alice impatiently, as she sat rocking in her chair,
listening to the pattering of the rain upon the roof of the veranda. "I
do wish there was something to do, or somebody to do, or somewhere to
go. The Gov'ment ought to provide covered playgrounds for children on
wet days. It wouldn't cost much, to put a glass cover on the Park!"
"A very good, idea! I'll make a note of that," said a squeaky little
voice at her side.
Alice sprang to her feet in surprise. She had supposed she was alone,
and for a moment she was frightened, but a glance around reassured her,
for strange to say, seated on the radiator warming his toes was her old